FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: Noted sociopath and kitten killer Joffrey Baratheon *cough* Lannister *cough* , first of his name has announced his intentions to enter into American politics after watching the Colbert Report.

I know someone who is gettin' maaaarried and needs an appropriate prezzie!!

I'm just here for Alexander Skarsgård's flawless football fanboying.

This ignores the possibility of an evil doppelganger.

To be fair, this was the first draft of the bio:

Words. Words are not enough. I NEED GIFS TO EXPLAIN MY FEELS:

Cressida is the Capitol-born reporter/director type person in charge of the propos. I...can't remember if she died. A lot of people died, ya know?

I want to have hot, sweaty sex with Morena Baccarin, and I am generally not attracted to women.

Yaaaaay Margaery!!!! I also don't remember who Cressida is but I assume she dies.

COME TO CANADA! BRING LINDY. WE WILL FEED HER STRANGE FOODS AND LAUGH AT HER PAIN!

You had me at Scott Baio. Though I'm sure he'll ruin this book, as he does with EVERYTHING.

Right? I would donate to that fund.

Dude, the GoT boys (and girls) hang out semi-regularly at the theatre bar where my boyfriend does security. He and Joe are totes on first name terms and I have ALL OF THE JEALOUS. Is it wrong to go and visit my boyfriend on shift so I can enjoy the view?!

She's apparently 16 and he's 26, so it's not illegal in the United Kingdom - although yes, quite a bit squickie now that I remember the age gap. I just remember him as a teenager in Skins and sometimes forget that people, you know, get older!

*faints and drowns in drool*

As a mostly-straight man, Gendry can get it.

Don’t say or do anything you wouldn’t say or do in the presence of your grandmother.

You picked a fine example.

How Not To Act All Skanky In Your Tie And Your Business Clothes, Figure 1.1: