I'll drive you there if you like

I would show up the next week with a $500 lacefront and defy him to ban me. If the ushers tried to escort me out, I'd whip it off all Springer style and demand to hear a sermon about the systemic negating of black beauty in American society at large.

Get on up! When you're down baby take a good look around -woo hoooooo

Yeah so I definitely went to high school with Colton. He stole my cross country sweatshirt and wore it like he earned it. He also got visibly angry when the other soloist got more applause than he did at the Christmas concert. Is this the type of person we want our daughters to fall in love with? Maybe.

I can certainly see why her doctors would be concerned.

When my mum was in her late teens her hair was long enough to sit on and have several inches hang off the edge of the chair. She also was having trouble with random dizzy spells and occasional blackouts. The doctors started putting her through a battery of tests…

An armadillo lived on my college campus. We used to go try to see him when we were drunk. I never, ever allowed anyone to chase him and, instead, insisted upon drunken reverence from a respectable distance.

why more hamsters aren't used in jewel heists, I will never understand.

I read 'Like two tousle-haired ground beef firehoses' and thought "this has to be a Lindy West, right? Only Lindy West could come up with that grade of comedy gold.

AUGUSTUS, SAVE SOME FOR LATER.

I don't think he understands how corn works.

I've been in a poke war with a Lubavitcher rabbi and his wife for years. Sexayyyy. (It's a double mitzvah if you poke on the Sabbath!)

My two year old loves the original Icona Pop version of this song. We dance to it every morning before I workout.

Can you paint with all the colors in the wind....

He is the best thing about Revenge.

Y U NO MENTION NOLAN ROSS????

She really found a perfect shade of "nude" shoe for herself!

It's summer. I don't care how little fabric that dress has, you don't wear suede in summer. She looks like she's boiling in that thing.

Lindy, I am now seriously concerned that the editorial staff at Jezebel is either trying to kill you or drive you insane. Look what these sadistic bastards have had you do:

NO MORE JUSTIN BEIBER!!!!