My girlfriend has many times rolled her eyes at my manual 1996 Passat TDI Wagon, stating that nobody out there but me actually wants it. This conversation has reassured me that I am not alone. Now, if I could just get the damn thing running right...

Why don’t you just make 10 louder?

My first girlfriend would do this and turn the steering wheel in the same direction as her head...

The only problem there is that even if the cable breaks, the housing should still be properly mounted to the frame. It has loops that remain under tension even without the cable and is often also zip-tied to the bike. I think that’s just a case of poor bike setup or them somehow managing to damage it in a weird way.

He would suck the best cock, though. The best. I mean, people are always saying that there’s nobody better at it. Nobody. He’s the best. You know why? Because he has the best mouth. People are always saying he has the best mouth. I mean it. His doctor agrees. He says it’s very, very good. The gays love him. Just ask…

Somebody please put some drag radials on that Porsche and take it to a drag strip. It’s already got stupid grip. Now imagine if even that tiny bit of wheelspin is gone thanks to a super sticky track and super sticky tires!

Based on the model and year, I’m pretty sure collision coverage would have paid out all of $500... If even that...

I find you magnetic. However, the iron in my blood is not in its metallic state but bound in hemoglobin, so you have no pull on me...

Also: “A small amount of marijuana was found in the car”

Notice also that it’s often the same people who say we should all have guns that use the “he had a gun” justification. How does their world work? We all have guns so we all get shot by cops. I know I’m being naive in not pointing out the obvious difference. It’s FINE if white people have guns...

They very quickly label me “one of the good ones,” completely without realizing that their racism is showing...

Also, it’ll be endlessly fun how many “drive like a woman” jokes she can put to absolute shame! She can be a positive inspiration for women in car culture. It would be refreshing to have her incredible skill made her calling card every week, rather than just another “woman who is there to look pretty with the car.” I…

This is always fun for me. I speak English without an accent and am just as white as can be. It’s never not fun breaking into somebody’s diatribe with, “I’m an immigrant. Are you saying you don’t want me here? Are you saying I’m a criminal?”

Well, since white people discovered the whole world, we invented the concept of international! It makes total sense! How would anyone have known there were all these countries with people living in them if it hadn’t been for white people discovering them?

So if I buy a car off Craigslist RIGHT NOW, can I return it and get all the buyback moneys?

As Jimmy Carr said: I don’t come to your work, slap the dicks out of your mouth and tell you you’re doing it wrong...

Must be a diesel burnout...

Obligatory!

Are we missing a “[sic]” or what?

They’ll have no problem driving in New Jersey...