Are you Ronnie Lottz Junior?

And there are starving children in Africa! There are countries where women have no rights! Pollution! Famine! Poverty! Racism! Tsunamis! Superstorms! Volcanoes! The Kardashians! Pick two?

Cocaine was a hell of a drug...

The Superman tackle will forever be my favorite move! It’s insane! The fact that he could pull it off as often as he did shows the genius of the man! I’ll keep wearing his jersey proudly!!

Got a car that won't pass inspection? Find a shop that has lenient inspection policies! Don't ask me how I know. I must have read about it somewhere. What do you mean you can hear my car coming a mile away and my exhaust smells like it's puking pure gasoline?

South Carolina is the same! I'd pick Michigan over SC though.

Their exchange about getting coffee may be one of my favorite funny, awkward scenes out there. The two of them really clicked. The quote isn't half as good without their timing and delivery:

I volunteer to accompany you and always order wine. I am 100% a beer drinker, but I just want them to be confused... What? The guy is drinking wine and the woman drinks beer? Oh my... pearls... vapors... Then you order a Scotch and I’ll get an appletini!

My parents win for the best April Fool's Day prank: they got MARRIED!

I can't watch the video right now since it's blocked at work. However, I just wanted to ask if you've ever heard of Dr. Carl Hart? He's a professor at Columbia University who studies addiction and drug use. I heard him interviewed on a podcast recently and he explained some very interesting experiments that he was…

LOL! Old stereotype is old! Trust me, there are many successful people who enjoy the green. Also, couldn't not comment considering your username!

Ugh, every time somebody recoils at a curse word I just tell them to grow up. I mean, it's not like I'm randomly cursing whilst talking to their children! If something crazy comes up in conversation I will pepper in a "no shit" or two!

I know it's pointless commenting on top of a pile of crazy that is the root of this article, but I'm afraid the whole "save it for later" pack will have to come with super glue. Many techniques don't exactly bring out a whole fetus...

Next we'll hear from the Pedophile Political Action Committee: "We are requesting that pedophiles not be removed from their houses, churches, schools, scout troops, etc. until the completion of a criminal investigation. What do you mean that's not acceptable? If college kids can rape women and keep hanging with their…

"I've removed all the calcium from your cheese and replaced it with go-fuck-yourself. How many pounds of go-fuck-yourself would you like?" - This is why I can't work retail.

Yup, I think, even though he's a completely different breed, I'm pretty sure Fritz is related to my pup! She actually caught a treat once and almost dropped it because she was just confused. She immediately looked at the ground, trying to figure out where it would bounce, only to realize that it was actually in her…

No love for IUP? Indiana University of Pennsylvania! Sure, it has the name of the state in which it's located but it also has a confusing extra state in its name!

And THAT, Jim, is why we wear face masks on the job!

This reminds me of a hockey game I went to back in high school. A slapshot got deflected and the puck came rocketing off the ice. It was headed straight for the face of a woman a couple rows down from my seat who happened to be looking the other way. The splittest of split seconds before it hit her, the guy she was…