That’s a hot potato!

Fact: Michael Johnson was the first Olympian I truly remember liking and being amazed at his otherworldly skill, in addition to me rooting for America. Glad to see he’s such a class act.

Drink some toilet water and be a man.

My first beer was a Rolling Rock few weeks shy of my 21st (excluding a Smirnoff I had when I was in my late late teens), and now look at the disgrace I’ve become to my parents.

Our memories are like goldfish.

Yes, but until the Eagles win one, everything else is moot. And this is coming from a die-hard Phillies fan.

“Fuck you.”

Boom Shakalaka.

Yes, but you’d need a nitrogen tank instead of co2.

Yes, but you’d need a nitrogen tank instead of co2.

My mandatory keezer post.

My mandatory keezer post.

I would potentially send you death threats over that MLB tweet.

Still the best fan of all time.

I know, it’s all in jest. I’m a Phillies phan myself. Last year was the first time I haven’t gone to a game in probably 10 years, but this year I’m chomping at the bit to get down.

When the PHILLIES have a better record than you, there’s something wrong.

I might have been the only person watching the draft at that point. You can thank Mike Mayock for that pick. The NFL crew were freaking out for 3 segments after because Mayock got on the phone with the Vikings and basically got them to pick him.

Was this band formed before... or after Kimmy Schmidt?

Alas, I really need one with a USB-C.

Alas, I really need one with a USB-C.

So what they meant to ask was, “what is your favorite rail drink?”

F you for this entire comment.

You saw right through me.