It’s terrifying that if this man had just a CURSORY sense of self-awareness he’d probably be elected president. Don’t even stop lying or talking about the wall or NATO or outsourcing or crooked Hillary. Just avoid half the irrelevant self-indulgent impulsive own-foot-shooting fuck-ups. Talk about how awesome you are…

Sure, everyone makes a big to-do about Fernandez passing away, but no one so much as blinks at Beltre’s poignant homage to Arnie.

If I had a superpower it would be to teleport people who say heinous shit from behind the comfort of comment boards to physically in front of the people or person they’re targeting with an audience watching.

I know I’m too deep in election coverage when my first thought is “Probably a Trump voter. Good. Get fucked.”

He’s never been that close to actual black people before.

Exactly, also I know I’m a dick but I kind of like watching people in suits get hurt.

Playing Bryce Harper the day after they clinched a division title is classic Dusty Baker.

All religions suck.

People Magazine said that? I thought they’d be more focused on Brad & Angelina’s divorce.

So ur with ur honey and yur making out wen the phone rigns. U anser it n the vioce is “wut r u doing wit my daughter?” U tell ur girl n she say “my dad is ded”. THEN WHO WAS MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL?

> Ambidextrous relief pitcher Pat Venditte is ambidextrous has been Major League Baseball for about a year.

“Grandpa, tell me again how you got injured and missed the Cubs’ first World Series championship in over 100 years?”

Stay still and don’t make any noise. Maybe the Gawker commenters won’t notice us when they’re dissolved and looking for a new home.

maybe don’t try to bring extra embarrassment to an entire country and lie about being robbed at gunpoint for no reason other than some publicity for yourself? It’s a lot more than drunk idiots being assholes.

The bullpen did this last year, too. One of my favorite running gags in baseball, right up there with people touching Adrian Beltre’s head.

I understand your concern but don’t know why you’re implicating me in all this.

Gotta show his reply.

Dear Chase, I feel like I can call you Chase because you and me are so alike. I’d like to meet you one day, it would be great to have a catch. I know I can’t throw as fast as you but I think you’d be impressed with my speed. I love your hair, you run fast. Did you have a good relationship with your father? Me neither.…

Cool story, bro.