that worked faster than I expected

If I had been waiting in line for my table that I called in a reservation for, and this shitty excuse for a human being got seated before me, I would be calling corporate from inside the restaurant.

It's always that age group, man, almost invariably it's a Baby Boomer. I don't get why, when they were supposed to be the generation of "free love" and shit, but in general they're the most entitled assholes I've ever had the displeasure in dealing with.

Friday my bf and I went to Chipotle. He always asks for extra cheese, and is similarly disappointed. Well this time the girl behind the counter took both hands, grabbed massive amounts of cheese and dumped it on the burrito. Twice. I guess I looked surprised when she did it because she said "The man asked for extra…

Reddit users can get Insider just fine. It’s just that nobody lets them get Insider for free.

Law shouldn’t expect a Reddit user to actually know how to get insider.

Most Chicagoans are Sox fans? Please. You know Joliet and Hammond, IN isnt Chicago, right?

"We have been getting our tickets stamped and leaving the stadium to piss across the street. That’s takes 5 minutes compared to waiting 45 minutes for the bathroom."

I find the comments on Deadspin are, hands down, the Fucking Best across all Gawker Media - even above Jezebel. No exception here.

“Sure, I appreciate it, Dad. Giving me a football with my own autograph on it just seems a little odd.”

I used to be an insufferable prick. Then, I bought an iWatch and now all I can talk about is this incredible piece of technology attached to my arm that also communicates with my iPhone while backing up all the while to my iCloud on my iMac, which also cost about $3,000 but it was totally worth it because my entire…

Walker, Ex's Anger.

I love the internet. I really do. It's one of humanity's greatest inventions. Here we all are with nigh immediate access to virtually the entirety of human knowledge, at the push of a couple buttons. Want to know how internal combustion works? Google it. Want to know how to forge aluminum ingots and make stuff out of…

"These toxins can travel to, and settle into, all the organs of your body, particularly the liver, kidneys, gastrointestinal tract, and lungs."

THERE ARE BEAVER BUTTS IN YOUR ICE CREAM

Being a nuttier-than-squirrel-shit lunatic is the path to fame and fortune in modern America.

Even if it wasn't 99 percent, how about not alienating people who act slightly fucking different from you like they're made out of toxic waste?

There is nothing wrong with abstinence from alcohol, weed, or sex.

No, the reason alcohol is brought up is because it went through its own period of prohibition which was overturned, is significantly more harmful to the body, is physically addictive (which marijuana is not) and yet lacks the social stigma that marijuana arbitrarily has. No one is suggesting that everyone drink or…

Glass of wine after work? Beer after work? These are time honored methods of relaxing. Bong hits after work is the exact same thing.