I’ll whoop that ass!

One time, the guy I was relieving for watch pulled open the curtain on my rack to wake me. With my dick in one hand and a porno mag in the other, I told him if he stayed there, he was going to get a load in his face. He left rather quickly and never did it again.

If only there was some sort of Magic: The Gathering Online eXchange to allow people to invest their money in smart investments like this...

I hate wishing for anyone's death, but when Bernie goes, this series might have a chance to return to a viable, competitive form of racing.

Tiger Cruises are rare? No. Both of my Westpacs on that pig ended with them. It was awesome to see the civvies deal with the shit food and shit lifestyle we had: trapped on a floating prison, eating USDA GRADE F: REJECTED. SUITABLE FOR PRISONER AND MILITARY USE ONLY. They did not even have to deal with the sadistic…

Is it racist when white people say “snigger”?

Utah has 5 openly LGBTQ residents? When did that happen?

This is far more interesting than 4 hours of, "Turn left, Bobby! Now turn left again! Hey, Bobby, turn left!"

“I will never stop going in.”

At least no one got killed this time the Arizona got hit. Silver linings!

Actually, the 2006 World Cup final went to extra time and then penalties.

I call shenanigans. I refuse to believe that anyone from Alabama could read what was written on the cars.

Why? He's only 33 and has a 2 year deal with the team.

I hate bigger, badder than you stories. Here’s mine:

If my face was all blurry, I'd probably be an asshole too.

What Americans need to know about the military: it sucks donkey balls, you get paid for shit and do the worst scut work there is. FTN for life!

I was at a bar and the guy next to me was a Marine. We ended up going to the restroom at the same time. I did my business and went to leave. The jarhead said, “hey squid! When I was in boot, they taught me to wash my hands.”

With a kick like that, #6 should be an action Movistar!

A bazillionaire cannot just go to China and buy a replacement organ from a totally willing, not at all a political prisoner any more? What is this world coming to?

This walker was killed, most likely by a diesel, and it is horrible. People driving this fast makes me furious seven times over. In all my travels, from here to Tokyo, I have never drifted from wanting to see them punished.