1. Because twitter is the medium through which all of this started, and the only one where it can be guaranteed Iggy would see his message.

And what about your friend who is now pregnant and no one wants to hang out with her anymore? I promise you it sucks a whole lot. And she then becomes a regular commenter on Jezebel because most of her friends have forgotten about her.

So... Can we name the baby South West? Or is Kanye gonna be mad if we do?

Looks like everyone there was having a good time. I love random spontaneous joy.

all i said that whole time was 'oh my god she's so cute'. the guy playing the music must have been SO HAPPY.

As a former teen bargoer, you have to dress older/more respectable so people can believe the lie. This lady must not know how to correctly drink underage.

Right? I mean, someone missed the moral of the fucking Charlie Brown Christmas Tree. For fuck's sake, people. It's a Norway pine. That's what they look like. And they are beautiful, in their own way.

That poor tree probably has its feelings hurt now. Decorate it, people, and enjoy the Christmas Season. So what if it's not a "beautiful" tree.

What the fuck is this shit:

A firm handshake!!! A weak, dead fish handshake is one of the least attractive things on earth. The last time I experienced one, I think I actually grimaced.

Any Ayn Rand books on his bookshelf

This is just a place for OKCupid horror stories, right? I'm in!

I think he's in for a surprise, because a really sizable portion of women in my general age group had a crush on the Robin Hood who was literally and figuratively a fox.

People who snidely correct your use of the English language, doubly so when they're actually wrong. Anyone who mocks your childhood crushes.

Any Ayn Rand books on his bookshelf, liking Dave Matthews Band, dirty dishes in his sink, and considering Infinite Jest his favorite novel (no one actually reads a book that has that many footnotes).

13 sounds excellent.

I know this is supposed to make us all "ugh, kids, these days", but honestly it makes me wish their parents paid more taxes.

Shit, man. We clearly need to start a fund for some excellent, honest therapy for all these kids. They deserve the best psychological support available to humankind.

This woman needs to lose custody of her minor children. No joke, no exaggeration.

Some years ago, the CEO of our billion dollar company decided Comic Sans was his favorite font. Thus it became our corporate font. And, yes, I do get e-mails from senior management in neon, Comic Sans font. So, this could be our corporate typewriter.