Haha. I was all ready to defend a possible open marriage and Mr. Thicke until I got to:

It was pounded into my head. Now I never let me kids leave AIDS on the floor.

"Lamar frequently struggled with driving decisions." — former Clippers coach, Vinny Del Negro

Now I'm revisiting all those times my mom told me that it's not safe to leave my stuff on the floor. All of a sudden it makes perfect sense.

Several things:

Well, their job is to play in front of as many people as they can draw. And their pay usually mirrors how much they're talked about and critiqued by the public and the media. No one talks about shitty players. Well, they do, but you know what I'm saying.

Hey man, you don't know that. Maybe I'm a world class goalie who comes to Deadspin to share my deepest fears.

That's insane. I can't imagine what it must be like for that goalkeeper to go and take his spot in goal, turning his back to thousands of crazy people lighting shit on fire. I might be kind of nervous and unable to focus on my job.

"I mean this guy has it all. He can lob missiles, has a history of accurately hitting targets, and is just plain deadly."

That picture of Machu Picchu just confused a lot of people who spend time on dating sites. I bet this article will get a lot of emails saying things like, "LOLZ kool pic! :p- Wanna c my peice?"

My point is that they've certainly housed and condoned polygamy for a very long time. Official or not, polygamy and the LDS church are joined at the hip.

I fully expected the young adult fantasy novel to be the Book of Mormon.

Damn, shorty is talented. He's going to make a lot of adults feel inadequate.

We want to prevent the young generation, whose psyche has not been formulated ... because people need to be protected from acknowledging gayness. When they become adults, they can acknowledge their gayness and then we will have them arrested, beaten, and fired from their jobs, because we don't want them influencing…

There was once a gorilla that fell for a giraffe. It was a new feeling since he used to date cats.

Let's not forget that the Tea Party was inspired by people in Boston who were actually breaking the law. But nevertheless, “Thank you for being here and thank you for coming forward and speaking…the answer still kind of remains the same, that we have laws and we need to follow those laws and that’s where we’re at.”

Even in science fiction it's apparently amazingly difficult to imagine a fake world with people of color being represented. Turns out our reality even limits our imaginations, which happen to be capable of dreaming up all sort of crazy scenarios, but just not ones that challenge real status quo.

What will the Westboro geniuses think of next? A parody of a gay sex tape with church members having gay sex? You know, just to send a message that gay sex is evil. It's all about the message.

It's still fun that profitable movies about black people always have to be about racism in some capacity.

I mean come on. If we keep going on like this, the internet is going to be outrageously boring. Not only that, but from a legal perspective, this repression of speech infringes upon our 2nd amendment right to free firearms on the internet, with the use of coupon code FREESPEECH, and house…