However, there are plenty of quality teams that will qualify for the World Cup. And there will be quality teams in all pots. If the U.S. qualifies, much is still dependent of their group. And their 2010 group — (E)ngland, (A)lgeria, (S)lovenia, (Y)anks — wasn't particularly strong.

I think the Québécois call it poutine.

I don't get these arbitrary selection of tweets. But I am trying. Unless they aren't supposed to be gotten, in which case, I completely get it.

It isn't binge drinking; rather, it's an experience, one that you can enjoy at the new restaurant Binge, where you can indulge in a wide variety of drinking copious amounts of alcohol in a short period of time, paired with cheese.

"Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for having me. I am humbled that you would honor me with this Lifetime Achievement Award for Excellence in Sexual Assault. My path has not been easy. Over the years, I have had to overcome numerous obstacles, such as consent and decency. But I stand here before you as mayor, a…

Well, to be fair, Madeleine, she admitted to engaging in bra-less activity during a live broadcast. And you do know what they say about bra-less red heads, right? That's right, they are known to murder the elderly at an alarming rate.

Somehow Miley Cyrus became a re-run of 1986.

Hells yes I saw that wreck of an interview. I find myself amused, bewildered, and horrified by people who care completely unaware of their stupidity, although if someone asked why I was so invested in stupidity, I probably wouldn't have a good answer. I mean, I don't have a PhD or three decades of research and study…

Trust me. Someone is funding research for a Muslim vaccine. Probably the slower Koch brother.

*bows; clasps hands together in a display of faux humility*

It's amazing how being Muslim is relevant to everything. No action by someone affiliated, even loosely, with Islam can be divorced from their Muslim-ness. They make it seem like it's a disease contracted by childhood that gets passed on by loose affiliation.

This is much better than "This is what happens when your boyfriend does your surgical procedure." I hope this doesn't become a new boyfriend DIY series.

Republican legislators will ease the burden on women by offering abortion miles — one abortion mile for each mile traveled — redeemable at participating gun stores, because personal safety is of the utmost importance to Republican lawmakers.

What's the opposite color of asshole?

I'd like to start a campaign that competes with all the "Support the Troops" propaganda. It will be called "Support the Non-Asshole Troops Only."

Another obvious fix would be to provide all girls with a detachable penis at birth, one that could neatly fit into a purse, pocket, or fanny pack. That way, when approached later in life and confronted for being woman-like, they can just pull out the detachable penis, waive it in the air, and proudly say, "No, no, no.…

During every clip of Weiner with Huma by his side, I now just find myself starring at Huma's face/expressions, as if I'm waiting for her to finally break and say, "Fuck this," and storming off and developing a smoking habit.

Pussy isn't dangerous. That's a myth. Just be responsible and everything will be ok.

The fact that Mac Miller's tweet has more RT/FAV action than the rest combined says all that needs to be said. We need to send Mac to Kashmir and to the West Bank; he'll sort everything out.

I thought only doves cried. How about that, I learned something today.