"Yeah, but are they funny?!" — open mic comedian surfing the internet full of rage

These regular ladies wouldn't understand, with their civilian vaginas and all. They don't know what it is like to have a magical vagina that produces royalty.

Ugh. Yeah.

Further evidence of non-English speakers disrespecting our communities.

I bet the police had Zimmerman on speed-dial. "Hey, Zimm, member what we discussed? Well, there's an accident down by the Frosty Serve on Route 417. We'll be down in about 4 minutes, but if you can get down there in 2, pull the guy out of the vee-hicle. Press is on the way, and this conversation never happened. Now I…

One thing they forgot to add: Date other people behind the other person's back while separated by distance, but make sure those people are significantly crazier than your primary love interest; that will increase the longing for the saner person.

Pretty much every reported casual trend is about affluent (usually white) people.

Pre-match prayer: "Lord, please protect us from pregnancy, and unwanted body fat. Lord Jesus, please protect our sisters from temptation as they attempt to place the orange ball near an unprotected hole. Father, our savior, forgive us for our non-Christian teammates, for they know not that you could definitely defeat…

If I was a player on her team, I'd fake a pregnancy just so I could see her face when I told her it was a virgin birth. You know, like the one in those books in motels.

I thought this was going to be about the Papa John's guy and a prostitute named Charity.

As I understand things, one of those guys is now allowed to murder the other. This is New York, Florida, right?

Indeed. Which is why jury selection is so important. If the defense gets the right cross-section of jurors/eliminates sympathizers through voir dire, then defense attorneys can build a narrative to cater to the preconceived notions you've laid out. This juror was perfect for the defense for the reasons you've…

It's the mustache. We've given too much power to the mustache, so much, in fact, that only Hitler and Michael Jordan can pull it off. The solution is to never show Hitler with the mustache. Without it, Hitler is just a dude with an artsy OK Cupid profile picture and a bad haircut whose hobbies include public speaking…

A humbleburn sounds like an STD one can catch via irresponsible promiscuity. I like it.

I'm fascinated by "Christian lifestyle blogger."

Um, hate to be that guy, but is this your way of telling us that you fucked a hooker?

First Rule of Sex Club: There is no sex.

That's one way to look at it. The other way to look at it is that everyone gets your point and just happens to think that it's an incredibly stupid one. I recommend a logic class when you get to college.

"And common sense" is my favorite part of that very useful description. Those Liberty folk sure do entertainment right.

Haha! Thanks for the attempt. You'd make a terrible lawyer. Just so you know. If you're considering law school, don't. You'll struggle. You're not even bright enough to be embarrassed by what you just wrote.