On most teams-maybe most important job outside of head coach-was the ball boy in charge of rubbing down footballs. Getting them just right.

"If you don't know where you're going, fall to the ground and grab your ankle in pain."

If you re-arrange the letters in "Sandy Hook World Trade Center Pentagon Benghazi and Boston Marathon" you get "New England Patriots, a work day torched, Bonanza Hombres Ghetto Kong".

everything the Patriots have ever done

(Googles Dr. VonQueso looking for appointment)

human treasure talks to human garbage about non humans, is a treasure, makes garbage mad.

As the ACLU of Alabama's Executive Director Susan Watson points out, Alabama doesn't have a statewide public defender program, meaning fetuses can get a lawyer appointed with state money, but real live, already-born indigent human beings cannot.

I'm picturing him communicating with his client via tomato soup can.

Great, another politician who would rather sleep and chase tail.

Yes, shut up, that's a real thing. It aired on network TV and everything.

Great. Another award that's only ever given out to white males.

Living in the Twin Cities, the local radio had some pretty good bits of the interview process.

How about white people who get indignant about white people who get indignant about this kind of sh*t on Twitter?

My dog "Reptar" approves this rug

County residents complained when the Pinellas County 911 call center became a little less efficient:

I approve this rug

Only one. Yep.

A pitch clock would have never worked for some of the pitchers of the past. For instance, Jim Abbott's pitch clock would have only had one hand.

Yes.

This prompted me to do a little research and it turns out that last year was the third time Duke lost consecutive NCAA tournament games