This does work. My son has been breaking me for five years and I cannot imagine how blasé I’ll be in a decade

You should try cursing in articles about religion and see what happens. My own mother wouldn’t even share my Quiverfull article, the first article I ever had published on Gawker, because of “the bad word in the title.”

I cussed a few times when I first started The Vane, but quickly found out that meteorologists are huge prudes that would make Pat Robertson seem like Bette Midler, and figured it’s not worth the constant battle and private scolding/lecturing.

I sometimes ask servers if something is good, or “which of these two options would you recommend” Sometimes they don’t have an opinion, which is fine, but sometimes it is an opening to politely warn me away from something that is objectively not any good.

My favorite part of the sizzling plates was saying “now, be careful because this plate is extremely hot” and of course, the first thing that the doofus does is touch the plate.

I’ve definitely done this. I worked at an ice cream shop for a few years and we would always have a flavor that was a limited run. One time it was ‘spiced chocolate’, which sounds amazing in theory, but ohmygod it was bad. Every scooper agreed it was terrible. I can’t tell you how many people thanked me for insisting…

What? Who the hell would think that nacho cheese and... Gahh! My brain is throwing up now, thanks a lot Pinkham.

When I sold Dell computers circa 2006, I would routinely warn customers away from products I didn’t personally use.

“Why wouldn’t I want this one? It’s $200 cheaper.”
“Because that one is slow and for grandmas to send emails to their grandkids. A typewriter has more power. If you are here to buy a computer, let me show…

people ask for an opinion but then refuse to accept. i love that. you can lead a horse to water....

At first I was going to commend you on being a really moral person but after reading your second paragraph I now have to give it up to you for being a genius.

There was only one time I ever would’ve straight refused to get a customer what they ordered, and that time was the legendary day when one restaurant I was working at had “French Onion Cheddar” as the soup of the day. It was literally onion soup with nacho cheese in it. At the morning lineup, I was the only server…

LOL yes I pull that shit all of the time. I’ll always recommend the thing that takes the least amount of work for me haaaahahaga.

I’m constantly amazed at the number of times I’ve tried to warn customers away from a dish only to have them order it anyway.

Actually, not necessarily true. I have many times warned customers away from a particular product. Usually it was actually because the product was bad.

I used to be a manager of a bakery and got questions like this all the time. Oh, no, don't buy the birthday cake, it has mouse turds in it.

I always find it weird when people ask questions like “Are the cookies good?"(Subway story)

A few weeks ago, I was in a class for work, and we had a catered in lunch. The girl sitting next to me said, “Oh, I hope they have something gluten free.” I responded with “Oh, you have Celiac disease?” To which she replied, “No, I’m just kindof intolerant. Like if I eat gluten, I get bad heartburn.”

Fuck. You. So. Hard. (says the man who had bland oatmeal for breakfast and is about to drown in drool)

The story about the cancer-free anniversary “date” is one of the most pathetic things I’ve ever read. That’s some Ralph Wiggum/Lisa Simpson shit right there.