Except peanuts aren’t nuts?

I love that he first offered you the apple, and then told you the fruit was plastic. He was trying to be accommodating!

And now I’m laughing out loud.

It’s not really Canadian unless it’s a bag of homo milk.

It’s gone, Homer.

See? Because of me, there’s a warning.

But is it made with the kind of cheese with holes? Because I don't like the kind with holes.

I could almost forgive him if he’d made the mistake in the moment, but he had time to look at his bill and then write the restaurant. At that point, I’d be checking my math just to avoid this exact situation.

It’s surprisingly good on a turkey or roast beef sandwich.

I would have tipped her all of my money. All of it.

Thank you! This most definitely needed posting.

I don't know about that. It was instantly obvious to me. Regardless, enjoy your free trip to the sun. Take plenty of pictures, and don’t forget the sunblock!

Apparently one thing they can’t do is force idiots to videotape in landscape mode, dammit!!

My oven has a lower drawer that heats to 450. It works very well and is very useful for holidays, when the main oven is usually full. We also keep the pizza stone in it, since I don’t always want it in the main oven, and it’s a pain to put in and take out because it’s so heavy.

Agreed. So unfunny. And an asshole, but God forbid anyone call him out on it.

Wretchedly sexist and not even a little bit funny to make up for it.

I don’t think it makes you terrible, but I also don’t get why it’s funny. Especially when the kids cry.

He is so painfully unfunny. And somewhere along the line, someone told him that the key to comedy is to repeat a joke 2 or 3 times just to make sure everyone hears it. So. damn. lame.

Fun fact— I once physically bumped into David Letterman. I did’t get to talk to him though, beyond mumbling “’Scuse me”, because I bumped into him at a mutual friend’s funeral, and it would have been tacky to go all fangirl on him.

Andy Richter’s wife and I were pregnant at the same time and went to the same ultrasound place, so I used to see him there periodically (I needed lots of ultrasounds because my baby had a lung problem that needed monitoring). I did’t really talk to him, though, because it didn’t seem appropriate.