The best guacamole I’ve ever had in my life was at the Barrio Cafe in Phoenix. The place makes some of the most amazing interior Mexican food in America.

We had guinea pigs when we were growing up (as pets, never as meals). They were fucking disgusting and I have no idea how my mother put up with it. The best (though by no means only) story from our decade-long run as guinea pig owners occurred when we decided to let one of the males (Peanut Butter) bunk in with one of…

I dunno... maybe she just shouldn't have swallowed that IUD in the first place.

I gotta get my Mom to make a video of this terrifying camel my uncle bought at the Bahrain Zoo. It's eyes glow red and then it starts singing/chanting in Arabic. He got one for my little sister too when she was still a toddler. She started crying and ran away when we turned it on.

Only in my nightmares.

So after I snapped their necks, I feasted on their gooey insides.

I love you.

Some say Allen's stage show has become too formulaic.

Where are the vicars?

That's sweet. My fiance tells me "Come bring those fancy 'tocks over this way."