Oh, so Jesus is allowed to walk on water but priests aren’t allowed to hover? It is one rule for the Son of God and redeemer of mankind, and quite another for the rest of us.

No American Pharoah winning the Triple Crown? Glaring omission.

Honey. HONEY. You need to take care of that, sooner rather than later.

I’m not one to kiss and tell, but her name rhymes with Mailer Bwift.

I feel like it’s kind of part of our culture to such an extent you might not even need to. I mean I didn’t get all the jokes or references (at a certain point the entire audience cheered, I had no idea why but learned later) but I still enjoyed it!

The secret service keep me out of danger...

I’m in.

Wait. What? How old are you?

I DON’T CARE ABOUT ANY OF THESE PEOPLE TODAY I GET TO SEE STAR WARS!!!!!!!!!!

“I wonder what makes everyone so interested in me.”

I don’t tan either. I burn, and when the burn goes away, I somehow become whiter.

Do not (do not) search for “German face-fisting” on a work computer.

I am very sorry for those whose income relys on snowfall, but after last winter if I never see another flake I will be a happy woman.

Yeah, our prisons are just overflowing with those damn drug millionaires!

It's important to see how a spouse will handle one becoming ill. That is a big test.

here you go :)

Hundreds of kids WITH NO RECORDS had their lives destroyed!!! DESTROYED!!!!

No her eyes are brown.