There was some Republican Muslim guy on NPR, being interviewed about his failed campaign for representative or some office. He was... let’s say he was “unreasonably optimistic” about his party. (He got fewer votes than anyone else.)

I’m banking on someone wandering in from Tumblr and getting upset that we’re mocking the mentally different.

This proves that DJing isn’t a real skill, right? Right? If a baby can do it?

Hey now! If you include sheep that number could be well into the tens.

I’m a “maker” too - knitting, paper crafts, woodworking, etc, etc. Lots of tools for every hobby. I thought I wouldn’t be able to apply her mantra either, but it’s actually been fantastically helpful.

Has anyone posted this yet? This seems appropriate.

I’m having my Vagina Treatments redone. We’re thinking blue ruffles, to match the couch.

I’m always trying to sell my non-Muslim friends on the Burkini. Mine’s awesome. Hey, Cosmo. Is my body bikini-ready? LOLOLOLOL WHO KNOWS?

The downside is when you get home and take the scarf off you have SUPER CRAZY HAIR. Mine, for some reason, always looks totally normal on the right half, and then the left half sticks straight out at a 30 degree angle.

I have this conversation ALL the time! People are like, “Hijabi Rockstar, isn’t wearing the hijab terribly oppressive?” And I’m like, “Well, I’ve never felt the need to get a cosmetic labiaplasty to look better in my yoga pants, so I’ve got that going for me.”

The great thing about Trump is he always keeps you guessing. You know he’s going to say something so stupid that icebergs try to melt faster just to escape him, but you never know what angle he’s going to take.

Anyone remember the articles about how wine is full of arsenic, according to (drumroll please)... a company that tests wines for arsenic?

Just want to note here that apparently fashion DESIGNERS wear flats and sweats.

I knew a guy once whose favorite movie was The Boondock Saints, and he was exactly as brotastic as you’d think.

Paul Bettany could make me care about tennis.

People are always bitching at my farm stand about how the cabbages are too big. “$3 for this cabbage? Oh, but that’s FAR too big! I’ll never be able to use all that!”

That’s a side effect of Celiac Disease. From actually eating gluten. Gluten can’t get through pores.

My sister buys shampoo with a gluten free label. Shampoo. Like maybe people are worried secret gluten will attack their brain through their hair.

A guy at a party once informed me (a Muslim woman) that I wear a hajeeb, and that a story about the prophet Muhammad is called a “fatwa.” And he would NOT BACK DOWN.

“’Ow many plates you got here, colonel?” *smash*