I agree. I have a hearty laugh prepared for exactly those douchebro encounters. There's not any coming back from getting laughed at.

There's probably a Starbucks in the wheel wells of every minivan built after 2008. There is NO excuse for requesting Starbucks coffee at a non-Starbucks.

I tell my husband I married him for his good looks, but really it's because he's worked in customer service and he knows how to tip.

When the girls at my college coffee shop ask me what flavor/brew I want, I say, "Whatever you have the most of that isn't decaf." They seem to like that.

A few months after that, they broke up.

So he wants a date, but if someone offers him one, he turns her down because she's "easy"? GEE, WHY IS HE STILL SINGLE?

I only eat Mexican near the border. Other countries don't understand how to taco.

I'm gonna go out on a limb and suggest that money isn't the problem, here...

Sounds good, but biologically unsound. The pollen in honey is from plants which evolved to be pollinated by bees and other insects. The pollen that gives you allergies is from wind-pollinated plants. So even if it did work, it's the wrong pollen.

I did! It's hilarious! This woman is the physical embodiment of whatever the opposite of self-awareness is.

People think I'm brave, and I definitely am...

...five-time James Beard award winner...

Brendan Fraser thinks your concept is derivative, but he's too polite to say.

I can't NOT hear "oh jeez" in Frances McDormand's voice.

I live on the internet, dude. I can watch things whenever I want. Not getting the periodic panic about Netflix availability.

Failed policies like Obamacare.

Up with good things! Down with bad things! Things should be better and not worse! Other people want things to be not good, but those people are wrong, and we reject those people because VALUES.

Speaking personally, "edgy" has always been synonymous with "sexually harassing minimum wage delivery drivers."

Better watch out, or you'll cut yourself on all that EDGE.

People are jealous that they aren't confident enough and attractive enough.