But don't you see? This is The Internet. Our main goal here is to endlessly debate who is At Fault. Why else would we discuss minor celebrity kerfuffles and local criminal cases at such length, if not to establish the guilty party, and bring them to justice with the sheer force of our collective tutting?

It just seems really rude to hit on someone who's VISIBLY with someone else. And in poor taste, too.

Miss Manners used to say that an Englishman's umbrella was like his title. He has both, and he's proud of their age and distinction, but he wouldn't dream of using either.

My favorite zippy comeback line is one I got from my boss. She was working the till, and chatting with an old lady who comes in to buy vegetables sometimes. Boss says something innocuous, like, "Oh, do you enjoy cooking?" And the old lady says, "Sweetie, when we got married I told my husband to pick one room for me to…

"Whoosh!" That's the breeze from the bullet you dodged.

I'd say that's pretty nuts, but I haven't done a lot of dating. Who knows WHAT you crazy kids are into these days!

That's a star for you, honey, and you can use the pokey ends to jab that asshole in the eye.

I have a vague memory of hating all the characters. Don't remember why. Just seem to have thought they were super wack.

You store the poop in mason jars.

I want a suit of armor. SO BAD. With the accompanying boots/cape/helmet.

"It's our history!" "It's traditional!"

I've laughed really hard at some of Carlin's material, but mostly I just don't see any *jokes* there. A half hour monologue about how religion is dumb and the government is stupid, while the audience whoops in agreement... that's may things, but it's not comedy.

Wouldn't that be FABULOUS, though? Let's send a squad of undercover gay men into locker rooms nationwide, get some wiener creepshots, and post them on gay porn sites. Then sit back and watch everyone get serious about privacy rights for a change.

Oh my gawd, Louie. I really need to remember to shout that more often during awkward silences.

If we could just make them wear t-shirts, or flashing lights, or something... so we could see them coming.

I used to go there all the time for my Internet Time Wasting (tm). But then the "get in the kitchen and make me a sandwich HARHAR" jokes got REEEEEEEEAL old. Haven't been back in a couple years.

God made spiders, too. Girl needs to go home and rethink her basic theology.

I know, right? I'm Muslim, and I always wonder whether my best bet in the face of blatant racism is to a) keep quiet and avoid potential assault, or b) mention that I'm Muslim and just be all up in everyone's face with my good manners.