It's just some "hands on" research. You can't spend that much time thinking about buttsex without getting a little curious.

Dule Hill is my pretend boyfriend. He is clearly superior to Shawn in every way.

They totally did. Continuing to treat an abuser like a friend makes it very clear that you condone his actions. Ugh.

I had that, it sucks so much. My husband and a mutual friend had an affair for two months, and no one in our circle of "friends" bothered to tell me. They still invite her to parties. Worst part was I didn't have any other friends, so when I split with them I was completely alone. Luckily, now, I've gotten to the…

Yeah, I've never understood when people are like, "I don't want to take sides! You're both my friends!" Maybe if it's just a breakup or something, but not when it's harassment, or (God forbid) rape.

I don't even need a college degree, if you think about it. I have a Pinterest board.

Just do what I do. Assume they're talking about Egypt and natter about pyramids until they go away.

This... is a joke, guys. They had humor back then, I promise.

Creative writing time! "My Field Trip - Which I Definitely, Definitely Went On."

The cheeks are the best part.

"I don't have a message, I just really enjoy holding smug signs."

Like, HALF of my Facebook feed is self-important 20-something young men and women, slapping each other on the back for being "not THAT kind of feminist," topped with self-congratulatory uses of the word "cunt" because, again, they're not THAT kind of feminist, they're COOL.

They'll be bumping into each other at Starbucks, clutching 4'x4' whiteboards with preachy, over dramatic slogans on them. Any day now. But first American Apparel's gotta come out with some whiteboards that have "Navajo designs" on the back.

I lol'd. Because it's true. And Mr. Rockstar may or may not be buried under the chicken coop with several balled-up socks crammed down his throat.

Maybe they want us to show respect for everyday items, such as latex gloves, as per "The Japanese Tradition."

I do. And the green baubles. But I wear the hijab in public, so it's more like a secret identity.

I cut my hair to look more like Sailor Jupiter. Totally not kidding.

One of them burnt his finger on the toaster this morning. And another one tripped on some stairs which a black man had previously scaled unscathed. Truly the world is set against the beleaguered White Man.

Oh, yeah. Because they LOVE RACE SO MUCH. They just hate to see it go. It's about respect, see. Respect for race. Like how I respected that spider in the shower this morning.

A regret sext is what you send when you've been invited to sex but must regretfully decline.