Yes, I am saying that skinny women are secretly a packet of Sweet N' Low.

That would be fair. Or perhaps that steak the guy eats in The Matrix.

When someone tells me they want to eat more "real" food, I don't wag my finger and inform them that all food exists even if it's an artificial flavoring, because I know what they mean.

Lies. Lies and falsehoods. Dog stories will reliably fill ten to twenty minutes of conversation time, which might have otherwise been spent awkward in silence.

During my (brief) experience with online dating, I was sent so many unsolicited pictures of penises that I thought I had missed an important internal memo. ("TO: All unattached human beings. RE: Dating System Update. MEMO: Penis pictures will henceforward replace the previous Dating System version 2.1. The DS2.1 was…

I like to say "Shepard or MascShep" to annoy people.

"Essential." You keep using that word...

"hi. i just saw that i was featured on jezebel. gawker media is a misogynistic butthole, and jezebel bums me out."

Yeah, that caught my eye. I mean, 60% of the stuff on Jezebel makes me tear my hair, and I am no longer allowed to read Gawker comments while holding sharp objects, but even I wouldn't call the place fatphobic.

You need to knock it off with the puppies, Jezebel. Or I'm going to snap, adopt half a dozen, and accidentally end my cat person/dog person marriage for good.

It's not the editing I mind so much as the reasoning behind it. I'm just about old enough to remember the "bad old days" of anime and manga, when names like "Usagi" and "Mamoru" were changed to "Bunny" and "Darien" for fear of alienating young viewers. But if we're never confronted with other cultures, how will we…

No, I'm suggesting that missing a few words of a multi-hour musical might be fine.

I hate this. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I will listen to news about the Middle East peace process with stoicism, and I have a special breathing technique for getting through rape stories, but for some reason the idea that a brief moment of confusion is to be avoided at all costs drives me effin' batty. And it's…

I can never look at a pug without thinking of this Hark, A Vagrant! comic.

Good point! I am now absolved of the crime of agreeing with PETA.

Spock is a sexy beast. Tru fax.

K-Mart, you have put me in the uncomfortable position of agreeing with PETA, and now I must disown you forever. Don't call me.

My favorite member of the X-Men is The Beast. If I had known exercise would turn me blue and furry I would have done more of it, because that's a snazzy look. No foolin'.

What really concerns me is that a "serving" of muffin is apparently half a muffin. No. No it is not.

My dad shuts down completely when he has a cold. I suspect it's because he knows, deep down, that he can shut himself up in his room and someone (i.e. Mom) will get the kids to school, do dinner, etc. He's a feminist, my dad, but not a very introspective one.