Guarantee 1: There are guns in that house.

I'm well aware he was in the play. A British white man cast in a play set in America, a contemporary response to A Raisin in the Sun, requiring a real grounding in the Civil Rights movement in the 50's and 60's, especially as it relates to housing segregation and white flight, and how that history plays out today in…

Kid's got quite a motor. Too bad it's in his recurring nightmares.

Dear Santa,

If that kid is lucky, the only way anyone will ever call him a "chip off the old block" is if his dad runs him over and he ricochets off the crankcase.

Christ, this is technically part of our country isn't it?

We have a giant 17 lb cat. We adopted him when he was already 5 years old and he came to us with a cleft ear. We love him very much. I always wonder what he was like when he was a teeny tiny kitty and how he got to be so sinister.

Please don't use the fact that he was in Clybourne Park, a play he clearly didn't even understand as evidenced by his interviews, but translated it into what he thought it was about, to excuse this. I've read the entire interview, in context, along with his oh so helpful comments about how he used to like the good…

Go see The World's End. No spoilers but your distaste for Freeman won't cause you any problems in the movie. If you know what I mean - nudge-nudge, wink-wink.

"I think that's actually a pretty funny joke. It's misdirection humor. You clearly don't actually believe that cancer patients are victimizing you. Your joke makes YOU look like the bad guy. That's why it is funny. You absurdly, intentionally, place yourself in a position where any rational person would think you're…

Because it's relevant. When you use the wrong metaphors and words to talk about rape, it calls into question whether you really understand rape at all.

Cancer is a medical condition—it is not inflicted maliciously upon one human being by another, but rather develops as the result of a confluence of physiological factors.

A car crash—unless intentionally inflicted (which would be defined as vehicular homicide rather than a "car crash")—is an accidental meeting of two…

So you're saying Martin Freeman is fictitious, and is really (fictitiously) a hobbit? Liar indeed.

Yeah, you're right, it's totally not a big deal to make light of rape. Because when someone forces parts of their body into yours against your will, it's totally an overreaction to think that people who make light of it are douchebags.

You're right, these jokes only exist in a vacuum of fictitious characters.

Card's against Humanity is funny the first three times you play it, but it gets old quickly.

I went off of it because it made me more irritable and was interfering with my job performance. I would hyperfocus at work, paying too much attention to the details of one project to the detriment of others. I eventually found it harder to be social, which hurt my personal and professional life. I felt like a flatter…

Right? My take away from this is - I don't know if it's actually a compliment for poor Natalie Portman, Jennifer Aniston, and Megan Fox. THAT'S the most beautiful feature people could think of for those women??? WTF. "Why yes, that Natalie Portman has the perfect FOREHEAD." Not something I would ever think about.

Item #52-89662- Apple 64ghz IMac $1,099

Ran out of time; this was the best I could do with your composite request.