Shakira doesn't even look good with Shakira hair

White beauty standard aside (I really don't want to deal with that aspect of this right now), I'm just going to say that men have shitty taste in women compared to women. This is proof.

Is mentioning how freaky a composite person looks body-snarking?

Takeaway: WHITE.

unlimited juice!

From what I can tell Pope Francis is a hell of a lot better then the last guy and I hope that he continues to not only change the image of the church but to do good. But, can I please just point out (cause we're all feminists here) that only a single women made it onto the list of possible Times person of the year.…

A representative of a dying system that piggybacks on the working class and the poor for money and occasionally says some nice things without actually changing anything?

Christmas Day mass is going to be off the hook.

It does look like blood is coming from within his mouth. That color blood usually means bad news.

Hey dude, nice forehead. More like a fivehead. Hair Club for Men much? Hahaha

"Jesus Christ, his face is damn near cut off!!"

Is the blood on his lower lip coming from inside his mouth? Looks like the cut might go all the way through. That combined with the ashen look on his face as he contemplates his own mortality makes this, wait for it, grim as fuck.

"There's times that I've sat at my computer looking at something, going through websites before, and sittin' there going, 'Wait, where am I? Who is this guy?'"

Yeah, smart dogs are work. Dogs that are dumb - just smart enough not to crap in the house and maybe learn a couple tricks for fun - don't get into trouble because it takes very little to keep them mentally stimulated.

I've read Deadspin for years, and this is the first time I've laughed so hard I had to sign up and comment. Well played. I'm a wife who has a wife and we both laughed our asses off.

Based just on this comment alone, I would pay $20 to see your comedy show.

I agree. I think this BS categorized list is more the parental fail. Way to ruin Christmas for your children. Part of the experience is writing your own letter to Santa explaining the things you really want. And besides, nobody ever said you're going to get everything on your child's list... but at least you have a…

A smart child would not constrain their wants to that little list. I want $1000, I need a pony, I would wear a Rolex, and I would read the instructions to the Powerwheels Santa's bringing me.

This might be the greatest comment ever in the history of any Gawker site, ever. I literally cannot contain myself.

I just howled with laughter for a straight minute. And I'm a wife. +1

"A little thing that can turn into anything at anytime."