The boyfriend jokes were so tired. If she was a dude, her dating history wouldn’t have gotten a second look.

“Actors kept thanking a non-existent body at the Golden Globes”

And I thought the article was about God.

I before E, except after shut the fuck up

Cool story bro...I like these.

“Job creators”. “Job creators” asked for this so they could reduce their manpower.

Y'all gon get held back a grade 

Ever click on a link and have no idea what it’s about? This was that for me, even after reading it. WTF?

Hey, we spent millions of years evolving from the primordial ooze to become consumers, it’s now our right to find different ways to consume the primordial ooze. In all it’s refined forms. Solid, liquid, and gas.

I literally stared at the word for a good 20 seconds trying to figure out how to pronounce it.  That’s a really bad sign.

Even the name is peak GM. Ultifi is probably(?) meant to rhyme with wifi, so pronounced at ul-teh-fy. But I read it as ul-tee-fee and that’s a real great name guys, off to a great start.

Hey GM, you’re full of crap.

Start with Ticketmaster. They just charged me $26.60 in service fee on a $111 ticket. A 24% surcharge. For nothing more than letting me select seats on a website.

I won’t sell family members or friends vehicles UNLESS they get a warranty.

Sounds par for the course for dealer financing. The only add-on I would get is GAP, and that’s only if I’m financing through the dealer. The whole, “you have to buy extended warranty and prepaid maintenance to get this deal” shtick is a lie and any car buyer should be ready to tell them them that the deal is off…

Good deal.

“I don’t think this thing likes us.”

I knew Vegas was gonna deliver some good comedy at least. We’re already off to a great start.

Reading the accounts of the story is fucking nuts. The Jackson police report that an off-duty police officer hit Dexter while he was crossing a 6-lane highway. They didn’t find the wallet in his pocket but found prescription medication and “tried” to call his next of kin based on medical info. They never bothered…

ALL OF THIS leads me to wonder whether the original death by police car was an accident or not.