Are you ever walking around desperate to find a bathroom and you fantasize, man, if I just had one of those giant Scarlett O'Hara hoop skirts and no chones on, I could just GO right now on the street and this ordeal would be over?

Please take responsibility for your staff, Emma.

Thank you for being your username. Starred for that.

Okay, do people not understand how diapers work? Or the concept of changing diapers? Am I wrong that diapers are there for the emergency and then to be promptly changed not to just sit and stew in?

Those cops sound like party poopers.

"It is an unnatural state just to be Donald Ducking in a winter sweater, let alone doing it under fluorescent light while . . ."

When my doctor removed my Paragard, I was like, how bad is this gonna hurt? And she reminded me that cervixes want things to come out of them and that it would be easy. And she yanked and I was like, I feel something, is that it? And she held it up in the air and said, "yep! Here's Mr. T!"

moi aussi

Every time I hear about Chris Pratt, I'm all like:

:) :) :)

get one emma

I think i literally squeezed my thighs together in protest

Cannot move past "cervix is clamped open". Nope nope nope!

No, she's saying that all penises can find a condom that works for them. It may take some trial and error but there are condoms for everyone.

jia, i like the way you do words in the order that you do. you are good at words orders.

"and still use caps lock to type every capital letter"

True story.

This is hilarious and an excellent way of making the point but, even though I know you're kidding, I want to point out that there's no "too big for condoms" but there absolutely is "may be too big for a regular condom to operate at peak effectiveness."