He had four left feet :/

I thought you were using Yiddish word I had not yet learned. Now this goyem is upset.

Penny Sillin?

All depends on how loosely you define "bear"

Girl is high as BALLS.

Been done, the Bass o Matic existed in the 70's

As soon as they unveiled the new uniforms, the team received requests from over 40 players to change their number to 80085.

There is a subtile but important distinction between Nerf guns and the toy guns we had the '50s and '60s. Nerf guns are designed from the start to be harmless, sort of like a dry squirt gun; they intend for you to play-shoot your friends. Back in the day our toy guns were detailed models of deadly weapons designed to…

Not quite. Broadband/network congestion is a fictional narrative marketed by the ISPs with interest in keeping TV viable.

God this took long enough to roll out. Banks said they were going to do it years ago and it just never happened. I even called my bank, who said they were going to be rolling them out this past year, and asked if I could get a chip card because I plan on going to Europe. They told me they currently didn't offer that…

Hmm, maybe they could make it out of wood or concrete next time and put some wheels on the bottoms of their snowboards or something.

“And have I not told you that what you mistake for madness is but over-acuteness of the sense? —now, I say, there came to my ears a low, dull, quick sound, such as a watch makes when enveloped in cotton. I knew that sound well, too. It was the beating of the old man's heart. It increased my fury, as the beating of a…

"120 pounds," quoth the Ravens. "Nevermore."

"And I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for you meddling kids making copies of that letter!"

This is no different than how the Raiders handled JaMarcus Russell:

That's actually the recipe for Nahrungsergänzungsmittelzurp. Traditionally made with traubensaft, but grape crush will do in a pinch.

"Is that Homer Simpson? UGH. It looks like heaven is easier to get into than Arizona State."

If they ever divorce, I call dibs on "Mom."

Oh my. I'd read that the kids' names were Hunter and Forrest, but I hadn't tried to put them together with the last name.

They were just trying to save Charming. Get off their case, bro.