I have long awaited the answer to the question: why the fuck does anyone take Bill Simmons seriously?

Cowards. Weaklings. Bums. Men who are unable to achieve on a level field of play.

Why don't they pass new legislation that mandates grease traps for all commercial food establishments?

- What are the flaws and limitations of your methods?

So...maybe she can just ignore what OK Magazine says? You know, like how most grown adult women have had to ignore the sniping that comes at them regarding weight issues. She can suck it up too. And anyway, isn't that one of the perks of being Royalty and what not? That you don't have to pay attention to the proles?…

This article is a masterpiece of cold, hard realism in a hard, gritty, cynical shell. I love it. The step by step guide to making your own Detroit Documentary is so fucking awesome. Thanks. This is great work. This ought to be a textbook example of how to do anger and sarcasm in article format.

This is so horribly sad. I cried yesterday. This is a painful, awful, gut-wrenching loss.

I love the Spurs so much. FUCK, man. This is gonna be a long, sad night. Oh god.

HUG. I'm almost crying here. I'm all choked up, man. I love our guys so much.

God. I'm a Spurs fan. Feel my pain, Samer Kalaf. Feel it. Feel it. Burn the muthafuckin house down, Samer Kalaf.

I'm sorry. I'm too busy being incandescent with rage at my former sekrit boyfran Manu Ginobili FOR PLAYING FOR THE MUTHAFUCKIN HEAT ALL GAME LONG.

@NBAonTNT is totally Shaqtin' a fool.

Dude. Dressed like a terrorist? This is just some kid with a bandanna like thing over his nose and mouth. Are you for real?

I cannot wait to watch Pop's post-game interview.

Billy Zane? What the fuck is wrong with you, Drew Magary? Why? Because he's bald and still looks better than you?

Semen breath.

Ah. A young Spurs fan.

This is the kind of pointlessly macho sports writing I detest and loathe. Are you fucking serious? It's a fucking shot Splitter took and it got blocked by LeBron James. It's about spatial awareness, footwork, precision, speed, explosiveness, visual intelligence, physical conditioning and so much more. And you have the…

Wow, in an ideal world, he would coach the Celtics. And then one day he would make Kevin Garnett really, really mad. Dreams, man. Sigh.

"I don't have any problem with him, but we can do it if he wants to."