I would just quietly pull the containers for her embryos, empty them, and replace it with inert liquid. Log no changes and make no record of any kind of it being worked on. Wait a few weeks until a security camera tapes have been cycled and then somehow let Sofia Vergara know that she can let him win to get rid of…

I’m tempted to get a degree in embryology (a class I failed in high school) so I can move to wherever Sophia’s embryos are stored, get a job there, and accidentally trip over the freezer plug, pulling it out of the wall. Or maybe someone can stage a heist like in that SVU episode where the crazy christian lady has the…

I helped my Uncle, Jack, off a horse.

Organic produce is always coded with a 5 digit number starting with 9. The non-organic version always has the same number, except without the 9, so a four digit code.  If you want to save money, just don’t enter the 9.  Even if there are cameras, they won’t be able to tell the difference between an organic carrot and…

Occasionally I choose the more expensive tomatoes but ring them up as the standard, cheaper ones.

Think of it more like this.

Haaaaaa! I was a terribly anxious and overworked 16 year old Kroger cashier in the late 90's. It was my first job and we were made to memorize all sorts of bank codes for checks, produce codes, seasonal bakery codes. Not to mention food stamps... With 10 people in line staring you down. So at one point I just gave the…

One of the ones near me loudly announces what you scanned for the three nearest aisles to hear.

To say nothing of their Nectar Card. Got to get those points.

This. The self check at my local store has so many issues that I’d rather stand in a cashier line even if it takes longer. They now have an employee that hangs around that area all the time for when they’re needed. I think it would make more sense to have that person actually ringing up items.

Is there some sort of technological solution to this?

This is why you stopped seeing self-weigh sticker stations in U.S. grocery stores like you did when I was a kid, and more and more pre-packaged, pre-weighed produce. And, presumably, it’s also why there’s supposed to be an attendant watching people using these self-check outs.

I’ll be honest, when I was making less money and self check outs were beginning to become a thing (and they didn’t have a cashier watching over all of them) I totally did this.

It’s the next easiest thing to downloading songs.

At my store, the manager on duty will tempt me with, “Self-serve is open, sir...” and without fail, the self-checkout will accuse me of stealing, “Please remove unscanned item from bagging area...” causing me to wait for the same manager to come over and key in a code. I always ask her, “How much time have you saved…

Is there some sort of technological solution to this?

I’ve been ringing up chocolate croissants as “dinner rolls” for years now. Some call me the bakery bandit, but I prefer Le Bandit Du Croissants, it has a more regal flair.

That was where my brain went, actually. My parents are highly toxic, and if I could just ghost them and blame it on the isolation and protocols of the royal life, you bet your booties I’d do it in a heartbeat.

repeat the last sentence out loud, and remember what happens on wedding nights

He wasn’t at her first wedding either. He hasnt even met her groom in the two years they’ve dated. Meghan was in the States just last month and didn’t see him. I think his invite was forced by protocol. Just as well that her real parent (Daria) will get the honor of walking her down the aisle.

Mr. Markle will be awakened a couple of day from now by the sounds of helicopter rotors. He wanders over to where the helicopter has touched down near his house, wondering what’s going on. The door opens and the pilot steps out, takes off his helmet, and it’s Prince Harry in person! He holds out his hand and says,…