Finally! Something I can check off.

Things You Should Have In Your Closet By The Time You Are 30:

Hey folks, never forget that the Salvation Army once demanded to be exempt from having to pay benefits to the partners of gay employees.

Matt, you are adorable. Now you are adorable AND perfect.

I figure I'm a real world 5, so I'd probably be laying pipe like a oilman at a sex club.

People are disgusting. I am all for masturbation done privately at home in front of the cat.

I'm sorry....Eminem didn't sit between a a little black child's legs and sing about his dick.

HEY FLORIDA MAN PENIS CAKES TASTE THE SAME AS TITS CAKES

I used to DJ at and eventually ran a sex club for a while.

Lindsey Graham is so stupid he got caught drunk driving at the bumper cars.

Basically, you give as many people doctorates as you possibly can ... and then you hire all of the racist, sexist, inappropriate ones and give them tenure. Everyone else subsists on somewhere between $500-4K per class while also working minimum wage jobs and regretting their life decisions.

Somehow, despite this…

This asshole has tenure. I can't even get a fulltime contract.

I am so heartbroken for how desperately lonely this woman must be to believe this story.

The hubs and I watched Birdman last night so I could at least say we watched ONE nominated movie.

I can't believe she walked out of the house without photoshopping first.

Given that movies with strong female characters do better at the box office than ones without, I think we can safely assume that supply isn't meeting demand here.

I don't think ANY other actress in ALL of Hollywood wanted that role.

This isn't food, but I am listing it anyway. We have a lakehouse in Brooklyn, Michigan. Summers consist of fishing, swimming, tubing, and campfires with marshmallows and smores. Stupid five year old me saw what looked like a dollop of marshmallow left over on a stick near the campfire, and went to lick it off. Only it…

this comment made me think you lived in the side show episode of the x files