I have too much love for my pets to exploit them, but I'm also probably never going to be rich.

Because they are smart, rich people.

What's God's word about taking charity when you don't need to?

Because men stop washing their junk during wars? Or have less access to water. I need to know. To the internet!

Why can't no-eyebrows to come into fashion one day so that I will finally be beautiful.

Is it cultural or religious? I'm curious about circumcision.

All the dudes who I know who were circumcised later in life are Africans. Possibly due to religious regions, but also possibly to reduce the transmission of HIV. They were all high schoolers, and I don't think they even used local anesthetic. Champs.

I lost it at "What's your favorite color?" "Every color informs the others".

In most of the pictures I've seen of Justin Bieber, he's looking down at his pecs. I am frequently distracted by my own breasts, so I get it. We're both terrible narcissists.

If I received one of these there's no way I wouldn't think the sender was being passive aggressive. Especially the You Were Wrong card. There would be side eye for days.

That's truly fantastic. Now, let's see how long it takes for other states to get on board.

Women's quality of lives are "more important" than saving money. I have governor envy.

I saw the first picture and thought it was from the Kardashian wedding.

Things as Disney Princesses hasn't jumped the shark yet? :/ I need to stop clicking on these articles.

Cory Monteith, Whitney Houston, Anna Nicole Smith, John Belushi, Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, to name a few.

So, this explains why so many celebrities die from drug overdoses in hotel rooms.

yeah right? I dreamt about Neil Patrick Harris, too, so clearly I need to stop reading jezebel before I go to bed.

Last night, I dreamt that Kim, Kanye, and Kourtney and I were all hanging out. I blame Jezebel's constant Kim/Kanye wedding coverage.

I just felt a chill go down my spine. It's like a promo image from Jeeper's Creepers 4: The Amazon.

So... The Dirty is a website that does what exactly? Is it like an e-burn book?