Beasley's just thankful that an NBA team is still willing to give him Cash Money.

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Passerby on street: Hey dude, you got some shit on your cape.

Chance of raining glass: 31%

Well the Devil knelt down in butt sweat

Well Bublé'ed, Mike.

If you've never thrown on a pair of Umbros and checked your three-point stance in the bathroom mirror to make sure your back is so straight coach could eat a plate of peas off it then you probably aren't a state champ like me.

Uh, I believe that role is filled.

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L. O. L.

Guess you can't afford a decent belt on a reaper's salary.

I'm glad Life was able to capture the ravaged mitts of a post-harvest Rafael Joad.

I actually like Richard Sherman; that was just an awful joke I made.

Damn it. They didn't show the bone-crushing Leader Leap off the turnbuckle.

Personally, I'm appalled by Sherman's unprofessional outburst of emotion. The whole thing's a crying lástima.

They left out the part of football where it costs 30 cartoon bucks to park and your cartoon friends get angry because you thought it would be a good idea to cook the brats with TNT.

In an effort to make KD's fairy tale evening complete, Kendrick Perkins turned into a McDonald's at midnight.

And even if the ship had a rudder, the sails would no longer be filled by the warm, melon-scented breath of Norv Turner.

That picture of Klitschko reminds me that my boss pronounces 'Reuters' as 'Rooters', which means instead of watching the rest of Pats-Broncos I'll be writhing around on the floor, frothing and gurgling in blind rage.