I know I am safe from STDs because I am yoked by my husband's sex. His sex is an umbrella sheltering me from the storm of syphillis that threatens the fabric of our family.

Excuse me, but other than telling us what religion we should practice, who we are allowed to marry and what we are allowed to do with our own bodies, the GOP is all about freedom baby!

Kim Jong Ugh. But seriously, I want those velvet Dr. Scholl's!

Back in the 1990's, for about 1 week I spent about 6 months in northern Kentucky for work. Relatively speaking, Cincinnati was Venice.

Yes, by MAILING it.

I'm having weird stomach contractions as I type thinking about eating a Taco Bell lobster (although it could be the sausage and egg Crunchwrap I ate this morning). This is a company whose idea of breakfast is going to the Walmart it's across the street from, buying up all the microwave Jimmy Dean breakfast bowls, and…

Frankly, neither the nudity nor the breastfeeding bother me. It's the insufferable pretension.