I told Mark he could only post it if he did a where are they now and looked up all these 55 year olds — he ignored my decree.

All of my meetings should be held in a Kitten Mittens conference room. All of them.

I was trying to figure out what I was getting mad at, but I couldn't. Because this is literally completely meaningless. I can't even fact-check it because I can't make sense of it.

The fact that Stephen totally loses it about three different times makes it that much better.

These are great. In kind of a reversal, there is a Thai restaurant in Georgetown that used to have a challenge where if you could eat every appetizer on their menu in a 45 minute period, it was all free. Some of these portions were meal sized. Many were deep fried. One of the the rules, though, was that you had to eat…

I love etiquette and I think it can be very useful in encouraging respectful, considerate behavior - but some traditions just need to die, and this is one of them. Address people the way they want to be addressed! That is etiquette.

Proof all rompers everywhere should be burned. If a woman as shapely and gorgeous as Swift can't, we should all just stop trying. Also, hitching my labia to my shoulders is always a poor fashion choice.

Gimme dat Christian side-hug, dat Christian side hug!

It's a good thing they finally got engaged. Their hips are probably chafing from all those side hugs.

Be still, my heart.

I can't find the dipstick on this Tesla Bob!

And what's this horseshit about this being an exclusively father son ritual? My 3-year daughter old sits on the garage floor and watches me work on my car all the time. Granted, she's usually calling me Prince Hans and filling me full of imaginary arrows from her official Brave archery set, but still. By the time…

When I worked at a major coffee chain, there was an old woman who'd come in sometimes with her husband. And each time, she'd insist we brew her a new pot of decaf coffee because, "I have a heart condition and my doctor says I can't have a lot of caffeine." A) you're ordering decaf. B) the caffeine content of decaf…

"You're supposed to do that for me. It's what you're paid for."

Oh, yes, every veggie was mushy and grey when my mother was done with it. With a few exceptions, she was a crappy cook.

"Hmm.. the special of the day is a B.L.T., you say? That sounds pretty good. Reminds me, my father always used to make a B.L.T. sandwich for lunch. I can still picture him standing over the sink in the kitchen eating one. If my father is somehow the one in the kitchen cooking these sandwiches YOU TELL THAT SON OF…

I've been looking to buy my first house so square footage actually means something to me now, whereas before I had a hard time imagining it. So now I know that this lady's closet is nearly three times bigger than some of the houses I've looked at in my price range. At least 50% bigger than most places I've looked at…

Didn't think I'd have the occassion to use this gif so soon after discovering it, but damn Hobby Lobby, if you don't deserve it.

Photo of suspect.

I read about that on GOOP! The hot thing for summer is leaving your corporeal form behind to inhabit the spiritual plane!