Why does the richest motherfucker in the world need to steal forty goddamn cakes?

Of course the Redskins fans have trouble spelling. Even just speaking about their team it comes out slurred.

WHY WHY WHY CAN’T MAJOR NEWS ORGANIZATIONS MANAGE TO COVER THIS SHIT PROPERLY???

Well if the Orioles can just hurry up and win the World Series by tonight, maybe the riots will be confused for the “excusable” kind.

I bet you like to argue about esoteric toppings. As for me, I have very strict guidelines about the girth of a pancake vs a crepe vs a wad of cooked dough

I think Natalie Portman has earned it.

What if he hits 660 or 661 in Boston and the RedSox put up something like “Congratulations on passing Willie Mays on the all-time HR list! What a MILESTONE!” That’d be an awesome troll move.

don’t tell the Boston Globe

They thought Yordano Ventura was pitching tonight.

To help deadspin maintain its snark, there were approximately zero protesters actually on the ground when the game ended. Chalk this up to media and police hysteria

“The Baltimore police ask that you remain in your seats while they figure out the best way to escalate the situation.”

My cat’s breath smells like cat food.

One word: Pride. Rick Barry is very vocal about being available to train any NBA player who wants to learn this method. He taught George Johnson during his playing days and took him from the 60s to 80% in one year. Andre Drummond has also had this suggested to him and was adamant about never making the change. Shaq,…

GREAT Kinja.

You mean binary sex, not gender. And biological sex is not binary either.

As someone with a transgender sibling who took a lot of shit from people after he came out, but also had supportive family I’m very happy that Jenner was able to be honest with the world about who she is. It’s never easy, and people will make horrible jokes, and they won’t understand, but every high profile individual…

No no, you heard it wrong. Bartolo Colon added chives to his lunch. Which he ate.

Yes it is. That’s why Samer did that in his very first sentence!

Speaking from experience, unless you want your next google search to be “how to remove a fishhook from my hand,” beginners should stay away from treble hooks. Even with a few beers to dull the pain, getting it out of my hand was....unpleasant.