“It’s an idea, but you guys get stuck with Oklahoma.”

Looks like Embiid awkwardly fell to the ground five feet away from the wrong guy.

Heavy gloves to avoid blood-borne pathogens check out

I prefer my allergen-free approach to candy giving, which is to buy several bags of Snickers prior to the big night and then turn out the porch light. At the end of the evening, turn to my wife and say, “I guess no trick-or-treaters again this year! We’ll have to eat all this ourselves!” A decade later, and she still…

None of them can remember the phone number.

Really, we’re just refusing to wash our hands because we’re hoping the germ stench overpowers the taste of the five pounds of candy corn we just bought over the internet.

Now they can join the other 11 D League teams already there.

Whoever made the wish that Tucker would miss should be put on giant meteor deflection duties.

Where is Adam Smith when you need him?  

I’d like to enjoy that gold video, but the hand manipulating the slime is way too jerky and intrusive.

Regarding the wisdom of assuming an STD diagnosis means a spouse is cheating, one thing that springs to mind is that while false positive rates on chlamydia are pretty low, they’re not zero, and the easy and cheap nature of the treatment argues against going to the expense of confirming the positive result with a…

I’m still upset most of the foods I like got rid of their fats because they were transgender.

Answer: Breaking will be unable to save its soul, but might possibly save an endangered community center in the effort.

Burneko wouldn’t have had the time; he had a Wizards game to watch that probably ended badly, like with a game winning putback shot with less than a quarter second on the clock that was only available because the only healthy big man on the Wizards roster hadn’t played since the beginning of the third quarter because…

Proximity to Burger King restaurants.

Or....the supermarket?

You will never convince me that this isn’t another of Jordan Peele’s deepfakes.

As someone with a severe peanut allergy, this makes sense to me, as death is preferable to going through life enjoying the taste of candy corn.

Weird.  Machado didn’t even take the time to try to clip Kratz in the head as he scored.  Is he feeling all right?

I don’t know how you obtained a transcript from my after-prom, but please keep my ex-girlfriend’s comments to yourself.  Thank you.