By this logic, I’m not sure Hue Jackson has ever watched a game of pro football.

Could be worse.  Could be wrecked, scattered, smothered, covered, chunked, topped, and diced.

Well, until I moved the PS2 games away from the bottom shelf, they apparently smelled of cat urine.  Bad kitty!

Technically, I believe we hate everyone, as the default option. Individuals may remove themselves from that list on a case-by-case basis.

And all across the world, in the hearts of every man, woman, and child out there, a little bit of magic died, as did the dreams of millions that they, too, could be an NFL starting quarterback.

No more weird than making a life decision to not eat breakfast.

I’m completely anti-motion smoothing.  There’s a reason they call it “jerking off”, not “gliding off”.

Now go right your own fucking term paper.

Don’t May-December shame. Remember, using the 1/2+7 rule, a 60 year old could be looking for a 37 year old. (Or, I suppose, a 106 year old.)

Plus, if it’s a blind date, you can recognize your date because they’re the only person in the place under 60.

It’s going to be awkward researching his dental records to see if he’s had his wisdom teeth out.  Need to know whether to pencil him in for 28 homers or 32 in my fantasy draft.

I mean, even Marcella Hazan cooked the tomatoes down with butter and onions.

Not really. I have a vested interest in spreading shitshows to as many franchises as possible. The idea of Peterman being traded - anywhere - for an asset (or even an “asset”) warms the heart.

Always remember: a slice that’s folded in two is actually a sandwich.

Well, crap.  Is Peterman available?

Welp, that’ll be a penalty next season.

You can’t trust Sinbad’s take on any issue; the man can’t even recall his work as a genie in “SHAZAAM!”.

Now I kinda wish there was still an NCAA 2K so that the game could offer college players free haircuts, and then declare the player ineligible if they ever take advantage of the feature.

So...you’re telling me that all this time, BatistaThumbsUp has been Bill Barnwell in disguise?

A star for recognizing that the next book in the series will be #18; minus 1/4 star for not using the actual name, 18th Abduction. We round up anyway.