Oh, sure, we can mobilize the public against this, but has anybody done a goddamn thing about the huge mound that’s blocking Pothole Road?

Yeah, but really, these airlines were only half-heartedly behind the NRA to start with. They wouldn’t even follow NRA principles and allow open carry for everyone on flights. Wusses.

I imagine the whole earth looks flat when you’re staring at it from two inches off the floor after a teammate punches you in the face.

Shhhh....please don’t use the name of an exciting young NBA star and the word “tear” in the same headline...bad juju.

“So we’re agreed? A fifth round value on Hold-My-Dirk???” - Chris Mara

Hm. I always thought the woman was supposed to have the orgasm after the pizza delivery guy arrived, not before.

Jose Garcia, Hans Schmidt, and Mikhail Ivanov approve.

“Do you want ants? Because that’s how you get ants!”

It doesn’t have to be that spicy - the Spurs don’t play in Mongolia. But a San Antonio beef should be tangy and cheesy, with a heavy undertone of cumin.

I don’t doubt that even if Leonard doesn’t return until the fall, his relationship with his coach, at least, will be none the worse for wear.

It’s worth noting that the same day as the Parkland shooting, an armed gunman attempted to take over 100 people hostage at a homeless shelter in Amarillo, Texas. In what conservatives seem to believe would be the optimal outcome of such a situation, a student at the facility, along with security personnel, confronted…

“Oh, they arrived already? That’s a relief. We were up all night editing the letter and didn’t get it to Ms. Whitner’s campaign staff until nearly noon on the 2nd. We were afraid it wouldn’t get mailed out for another couple of days.”

Once they decided to put out the press release on a Tuesday rather than just before the weekend, her candidacy was toast.

I believe that punishment is known as “DePauling”.

How did you filter out all the results from the 2016 primaries?

I always suspected there was something creepy the way the coaches always made the athletes go around all the time wearing nothing but swimsuits.

Meh. These kids don’t have money. Won’t do a damn bit of good.

She’s got her eye on one of the staffers...and her other eye on a different staffer three rooms away.

“I didn’t really get picked last, right? I mean, there were four guys who got added to the team after I did, so that totally counts. Kemba Walker, now that guy got picked last.” -Aldridge

Sadly, this means that no matter how many golds Shiffrin wins in the future, either in these Games or future ones, she’ll never be able to break the record for most golds won, which will be held by her equipment.