Oh God the LAX cancer has spread to Texas. ABANDON SPORT.

He's getting too old for this shit.

Ok, the only thing I really learned from this was that I need to start a background check company ASAP!

No wonder Chunks seems so satisfied with sixth place.

You seem like a nice guy who has a lot of fun in life.

All of those kids should be embarrassed to be University of Arizona students.

You've Been Taking Pepper Balls To The Chest, When You Should Be Eating Them, by Albert Burneko

"#CancelSueyPark"? So you're saying you'd like to...Chop Suey?

I assumed the name "Suey Park" was another satirical Twitter account?

No, I think we should wordshame so people learn their goddamn homophones. What, are you homophonphobic? ;>)

There is nothing funny about the absolute dearth of education in America's African American Communities.

I'd like to write for PastLifeHacker, with headlines such as "Electricity: Witch's Magic or African Voodoo", "How To Use Indoor Plumbing And Why It Might Kill You", "The Blacksmith Tools Everyone Needs To Own", "101 Uses For Horse Shoes", and "Ug - Me Make Circle. Call Wheel".

YOU'LL DO WHAT WE TELL YOU TO DO

Are we talking about you or are we talking about her?

I don't have a uterus. You can make that determination for you own body not my wife's, and not everyone elses and no one wants special treatment just the same treatment.

So much for right-wingers who claim to support the "invisible hand of the free market". Seems that only applies when it works in the favor of their preferred lobbyists' industry...

"You know what, I've ready too many books about autism." [Proceeds to talk for several minutes straight without noticing surrounding reactions.]