The polenta thing is hilarious but does not surprise me at all, honestly.

Oh. My. God. I was into the story and just thought the actual starting was like the update they do at the end of true life. But to finish strong with that last sentence?

a massive 38-year-old-woman-who-has-had-three-kids

My first period wasn't traumatic, oddly enough. I got it when I was 9. I do know that I was the first person in my grade to get theirs.

My girlfriend often asks me "Aren't you glad you're not a woman?" I always reply with "Yes, very much so. " The biological BS you all get to suffer is one thing, but the whole having to wear makeup to not have comments made about you from coworkers (on the occasions she doesn't wear makeup everyone asks her if she's…

I was going to type this in the body of the post but since Pissing Contest is about ~*discussion*~ I figured I'd just put it here:

I'm sorry. If it makes you feel better, I had the same realization about MavGyver. Dammit, dad why'd you have to fix the spark plug with a piece of gum and mom's last match?!?

Eleven years old. In a bus, on the way to a camp field trip. Reading an Abraham Lincoln biography (because that's how I roll). I feel nauseous and weird. When we arrive at our destination, I go to the bathroom only to discover blood everywhere. I'm still not sure who was more horrified, me or the counsellor who I…

Basically. He even had a ron swanson-esque mustache at the time. Yikes. My affinity for Ron Swanson has now been swathed in a new, creepy light. Thanks.

Mine was just humourous. I of course had my first period at my father's house (split time half and half), and it was literally night one of my week with him, and I remember having cramps and not knowing what was going on. It's 11pm (and I'm what - 11, 12?) so when I get up my dad can hear me around upstairs and is…

I got mine in 6th grade on our week long camping field trip -_- My best friend got hers in 5th grade so thank god I had her. The best part was that at the end of the week I had to go home with another friend because my parents were still at work so I got to get picked up by her two moms and have a total girl power…

I got my first period at 11. My highest ambition in life, up to that point, was to be really tall. Like 6' tall. The first thing my mother did was to sagely nod at the blood and agree that I was in fact having my important pubescent woman flowering and then said, "Well, just so you know, this means you won't be tall."

Of course she has a live-in nanny along with a personal assistant. "Me" time is easier to have if somebody else is watching the baby while you're having it.

I'm a parent, and I agree with gourmet goober 10000%. Just commented with the same question—are these people that insecure about their parenting abilities that they really think a short conversation with a stranger will send their kids running out to fuck the first person they see?

I think it does. He left his dog in his girlfriend's care while he went to serve overseas. However you feel about the troops, he's doing something for our country and I refuse to feel ashamed for being mildly patriotic. Even if we cut the patriotism, him being overseas still has something to do with it. He left his…

That's the best mental image in this entire comment series, although it's not the grossest story. Take that as a huge compliment from a writer!

this is perfect for me because I am a sterile processing tech and basically I clean and sterilize instruments after surgery. so here is one of my stories it was when I first started in decontamination which is where the dirty instruments come thru. I got a hysterectomy tray that came through and it was a horror story…

Oh god. I had to pop a cyst on my mom's back and drain it..... The tissue over it was really tough and after many sterilized needles and much pressing, it exploded. into. my. fucking. MOUTH. INTO MY MOUTH. It was warm and salty. The smell was on my hands for days. And in the end it had to be removed by a doctor…

or how about when i tried to be a responsible 19 year old and asked my general practicioner for STD tests before my bf and i had sex. the doctor told me "they didn't do those kind of tests" and i should " go to a free clinic or something"

This isn't my story but it kind of made my year so I'll tell it anyway.