Seriously. We are the new olds. We remember when reality TV was pretty real. For like a second, but still. My poor Mother will ask, "Have you seen Breaking Amish?" and I haven't the heart to tell her the truth.

That video was so hilarious and perfect! I don't know how you people find these videos but god love ya. I just discovered Real Actors Read Yelp and Jenna Marbles.

I wouldn't give someone a reward if the return only occurred because I tricked the dude into returning it.

Yeah, I get it more now but it still seems weird to me. Shrug.

Ah, yes. I see that now. My brain refused to engage any scenario other than the guy stealing the phone and then being the more freaked out party in the return, thus negating the need for payoff. That said, it still seems weird to me for some reason.

Is that an error? He gave the thief $20??

But that is the term that they already used, no?

I went to the Philadelphia Zoo a few years ago and there was a sloth just cruising along a rope. It was maybe three feet from the edge of its exhibit and there was no glass or anything. That is when my friend and I had our eyes opened to the amazingness of sloths and their creepy-cute claws.

I'm so intrigued by this show. I don't watch it and I don't know anyone who watched it beyond maybe an episode here and there. Is it that big of a big deal outside of Jezebel? I don't think I would have ever heard of it if this site didn't cover it so often. I can't even bring myself to give a shit one way or the…

Oh, that makes way more sense. I'm sitting here like, ok... So she's still locked in a tower but she's growing out her hair... What does that mean, figuratively? Make this work, brain!

I agree. And there's always someone going, "Well, that's what you sign up for when you're a celebrity". No. You do not sign up for someone yelling at you, often horrible things in an effort to provoke you, and flashing a bulb in your and your family's face every single time you dare to step out of the house, not to…

He probably still has to have Ursher roll them for him. He's just a wee lad, you see.

Young Rapunzel? What does that even imply?

Seriously. I once asked my male friends one night, when they started up with some "heh heh Bieber" jokes, why they even gave a shit about him. This was back before he was even on the radio, when he was just a thing that tween girls were into and starting to pick up. I mean, they didn't sit around bashing Hannah…

Yes. I walk into things at my retail job (jabby hooks, mislaid boxes, and so on) constantly. Add in liking the sauce and I am Bruise City. Granted, I clicked on the pic of Lindsay and I've never ended up with a bruise like that. It's pretty substantial. Put a cuff over that thing, girl.

I would like to add to this that you should not think, 'Oh, I live in an apartment, so I should just get a cat instead and then I can stay out all night and it'll be like a dog only more aloof'. That's what I thought 7 years ago when I adopted my little shithead. I still want a dog and now I have a cat that drives me…

Yikes, that sounds like a very annoying friend. What is her rationale?

Oh, good call. I can already hear it now. It's that kind of thing that makes you give a ninety minute speech in the cold and rain to prove your hardiness and then you catch pneumonia and die. They're trying to William Henry Harrison her!!

I got rid of cable a few years ago and I only miss having murder shows on while I clean. And I was the last person you'd expect to go without cable. I spend a third of what I was paying on Netflix and used DVDs and I'm happy as a clam.

But Girl Talk used it so well, I can't even be mad.