So why doesn't he leave the show?

En pointe vs on point. Am I the only one??

I now wish he was dressed as God. So bad.

I started a small fire one Halloween in college. I was standing outside smoking a cigarette and some guy walked by and said, "Is that bush supposed to be on fire?".

What is made up in this story? The whole account of what happened is there... It's not like it just says, "Chevy sucks! He said n****r!"

Yeah, so did I. Hrm.

You said that so nicely. I've been withholding the "You're a dumbass" reply I so desperately want to make. Oh hey, I guess I just kind of did.

You know, his name is right up there.

Wow, yeah. That's pretty bad.

I will take that complimentary Real Touch, thank you.

Misread. I'm an idiot. It's early. Caffeine, blah, etc.

You like them so you want them to be in 50 Shades? This makes no sense.

Kim Kardashian's boobs are totally real. Yup. Completely real, guys. R-I-L-L.

Does Harry Judd think that story does anything but make him seem like a huge dick? "She was so annoying! And then I totally did her."

Success!

Elizabeth Banks is producing a CBS comedy that involves "an Ivy League feminist who moves to Los Angeles and is set up to room with two "Playboy Bunny type females."

In that case, I'm quite sure that you're a dumbass all on your own. Good luck!

Why? Because other people are stupid, I'm a jerk? Am I a jerk because Ghost Adventures is fake and Jerry Springer is fake and John Edwards is fake and there's no such thing as magic or unicorns?

That picture of Amber and David dancing warms my cold, dead heart.

So the shape of a heart is now tacky? Just any ole heart shape? Good to know.