THANK YOU!! The story is way more than just "Aww, let's adopt this poor, black kid. Hey, he's big and black, let's teach him to play football!"

I didn't go to any medical school but it looks to me like his palm is facing down and she's sitting on his knuckles. No matter where his hand is located, I think we can all agree this just looks extremely awkward and uncomfortable, right?

Oh shit! That's terrible. On the one hand, the dog sounds dangerous and animal control should be notified. On the other hand, those clinics are expensive. Either way, I hope your dog will be OK.

I'm sorry. That sounds truly awful. Your poor mom :-(

It's a legit theory but here's my issue: I don't think it should be considered punishment that Sid became a garbageman (if, indeed, he did). Being a garbage collector is an important job. Imagine if every garbage collector in the world decided not to come to work for a week? Where would we be then? Ass deep in…

Jesus, getting old is a bitch.

Yeah, great story Mimi. The paranormal stuff is fun but what your uncle experienced was honest-to-God evil. Assuming it was the killer kid casing the place (and I totally am because it's scarier that way), it's terrifying to think that someone in the house could have been this kid's victim. Geez...

Oops, that's right! I hope the trash chutes aren't as easily accessible at Broncos stadium as they are at Progressive Field.

Something similar happened this summer at an Indians game at Progressive Field. A young guy went to the bathroom and never came back. What they discovered is that he fell down a huge trash chute and was carried away and taken to the landfill. He likely died on impact, though. It was at least a 3-4 story drop. The guy…

Keep fighting the good fight, Andrew. Cargo shorts were fine until bros and white trash started wearing them as their uniform for raising hell. The nicest thing I can say about them is that they are a minimal improvement over jolts.

If a guy goes on Twitter to complain about "Castle" marathon being interrupted by baseball, he clearly needs the influence of organized sports and, in general, guy-type stuff in his life.

Yes, that's clearly reinforcing narrow gender roles but, fuck it, this ain't Jezebel.

You motherfuckers and your dog pictures. I would love to slap the shit out of all of you but I'm crying too hard to do much of anything right now! Damn all of you!!

Tanya is my new hero.

Please tell us the store so we can BOYCOTT

I'm with you, this has been the absolute shittiest week because of all the terrible stuff in the news: Robin Williams' death and people's horrible reactions to it; Michael Brown and the military state in Ferguson. I just read a story about some assholes in Florida who beat the shit out of an autistic kid and I almost…

One of my friends is a cast member and, oh, the stories he tells! It truly sounds awful. We worked together at an Apple store and that could be pretty crazy but our *craziest* stories don't even compare to what he sees on an average day. You don't have to confirm or deny but I hear some of the Make A Wish families are…

You guys are all so jaded. This could be an awesome movie. Why don't you stop hating and give it a chance?

BWAHAHAHAHA!! I almost typed that post without laughing!! Go on, keep on hating :-)

Jackie_Jormp_Jomp is one of my favorite "30 Rock" episodes ever. I think it will probably ruin the Jimi Hendrix biopic starring the guy from Outkast. They can't get the rights to Hendrix music for the movie, which makes me think of the ill-fated Janis Joplin movie from "30 Rock". OK, now I'm rambling off topic. Need…

All I have heard for the last few years is how outrageously sexy this book is but that whole popsicle bit seems quite tame. I mean, I thought of about a dozen different things it could be before you explained that it was just a beej. Either the books are way boring or I've just seen too much porn.

This is just the sort of eloquent and thoughtful reply I would expect from a NASCAR fan. HURR DURR to you all.