Anytime you can turn over a playoff team to a guy who goes a miraculous 5-9 for 69 yards without feeling in his fingers in January you gotta do it.

“Fine, Chip. We’ll make sure it’s a White Christmas.”

Yeah, we’ll see who’s laughing when he’s worth $200 million because we’re all using his Janglr app to swap pictures of our testicles.

Mike Evans is the only reason he has a job; I lost count of the number of times at A&M that Manziel just ran around and then threw up a prayer which Mike Evans incredibly pulled down 40 yards downfield like the beast that he is.

Not losing sleep does not equal hiring crisis manager.

“I can do for you what I did for Ryan Howard and Ryan Zimmerman!” is the worst drug dealer pitch of all time.

♫ HGH you work so gooooood ♫

When one of the officers was asked if there was a blunt in the car, he replied “No L”.

Good thing the only credit card on mine is overdrawn. Jokes on YOU, hackers!

My wife’s an ER doc, and I feel pretty confident she’d trade for any of these to avoid the numbingly commonplace “VAGINA:

He has shown INCREDIBLE leadership...

This will almost certainly put him at odds with former teammate and notorious crip Wes Welker.

But apparently they have no problem continuing to sell them.

“That’s 100 percent bullshit. No. 1, it is bullshit. And No. 2, it’s insulting.”

“You’re in Redskins country” - not part of the official Ellis Island greeting guide

With that schedule I think it's safe to say he isn't there to play school

“Can I just stay out of this debate? Aaron Hernandez is a good friend of mine. I have known him for a long time. I support all my friends. That is what I have to say. He’s a good friend of mine.”

Gee, Officer Kroenke, Kroenk you!

If they were terrorists, they wouldn’t have even been the most radical religious extremists in the stadium - Phillip Rivers was playing and he has like 8 kids because God said sew.

What is it like to be shit?