Ugh, this is probably my worst shame/pettiness. Bear with me this has a fair amount of backstory. In high school I was totally totally head over heels for a friend, Chris, and despite all my mooning and our shared jokes and back massages ( I don’t know why I offered people hand/back massages I was totally a weirdo) he…

Thanks for making me cry. Rude. I know I’m just an internet stranger but I am so glad that your daughter is doing so well.

No offense, but I’m pretty sure “some of the hottest hot sauce ever” in Monterey is probably like a 3 on the hot scale for most Texans. -Signed a Texan who lives in California

Like Ned had to! Full circle, y’all.

And that is definitely NOT her only issue. That chick has an entire catalogue of issues...

The Saturday before Easter Sunday in the 9th grade I stayed overnight at my friend’s house. I told my mom it was just a sleepover but instead we went out to a rave. I smoked weed for the first time and mostly tried to pretend like I was high and enjoying the groups of people who would stand in front of me twirling…

What? What did they do to him? Is he still grounded?

They just play Apollo 13 on a loop.

Good thing I only confronted Eric Trump on an airplane regarding the policy of separating children from their family at the border. None of Secret Service seemed to give a shit and I got to stay on the plane. 

SF overall basically means that I’m paying out the nose but looks like I’m not the only one: https://www.deseretnews.com/article/900029945/san-francisco-families-spend-dollar1955-per-month-on-child-care-how-do-other-us-cities-compare.html

Yuuup fulltime aka 7:30 am-6 pm and five days a week. It’s actually a neighborhood daycare and cheaper than the nannyshare that we were in beforehand. I’m in the Bay Area so childcare costs are stupid high.

I was about to say “45k?!” then realized we pay $27k for one baby...so yeah. Jesus babies are expensive.

Wanna buy tickets to his inauguration? I’m sure he’d sell some VIP passes for the right price.

He was on that MTV reality show with his ex-wife and at one point the cut to him standing over his son’s crib and saying “Did you have good baby dreams?” in such a warm and loving way that it made my ovary oven pre-heat.

I mean, I totally agree now! Also who has white carpet with kids? It’s a recipe for disaster ( pun intended).

So so much shame. Also one of the main reasons I am so very pro-hardwood floors.

Bear with me, this requires a tiny bit of backstory. My first day of school for the 4th grade we came home and when we opened the front door water came pouring out of it. The water heater had ruptured and essentially spent all day continuously dumping water from the attic down through our house, causing massive damage…

A lot of our friends have girl babies (I have a boy) and when they asked if we wanted their hand me downs I was like “YES PLEASE!” Sometimes he wears a grey sweater, sometimes a purple one, he doesn’t care. Also, most of the unisex stuff is the cutest anyway. I mean...hedgehop pajamas, people!

A guy who I had been FWB with, but who I slowly tapered off contact with, texted me about about the running earbuds I left at his apt. He texted me “I’m going to put them in my mouth.” I never did get those buds back.

I’m so sorry.