Duh, it's because they got Mark Aguirre to officiate the varsity game.

The fact that Smoltz is close to 90% while Mussina struggles to reach 40% is absolutely mind-boggling to me.

I've seen this at the high school level. Nothing impressive here. Just a safety that wanted to push a guy out of bounds and not make a hit.

MORE LIKE JOKELAND.

They should hire Greg Schiano, because I need that kind of dysfunction.

<Michigan AD on phone call>
Michigan AD: "Yea, I'm married, does it matter? You'd do that for me? Really? I'd like that."
<Wife enters, agitated>
Wife: "Who are you talking to?"
Michigan AD: "It's Jim, from San Fran."
Wife: "Jim from San Fran at 3 in the morning <grabs phone>...who is this?"
Michigan AD: "It's Jim, from San…

I eagerly await reports of the first drunk 3-AM-on-a-Saturday text exchanges between the two following the break-up.

SF: I miss u bae
Harbaugh: Michigan treats me better than u
SF: MICHAGUN WONT DO THE THING YOU LIKE
Harbaugh: Please don't say it
SF: BUTTHOLE

Clever move by the Browns in the short term but this will not endear the Browns to Gordon, who will leave after next year. This is yet another dumb move by Gordon as well. They kind of deserve each other. He's a talented idiot and the Browns are, well, the Browns— football's version of the Cubs.

That's Dustin Diamond.

Them: I gotta tell you all about my fantasy football team-

Wait - which one do you have to imagine?

Sure the professor can take that $4 refund, but a little while later he's just going to want more.

Bill Russell: "I would have tipped that to my teammates."

Robert Griffin III is broken up inside.

Just a little something he picked up from his buddy Dan Snyder, who punted 4 draft picks to get him.

You can say what you like about the crust dodging heathens but leave strawberry milk the fuck out of it.

Fitzpatrick: Bryan, give me two numbers from the 90s and Brady's going to multiply them together.

No one had done it yet (at the time of posting) easy one but someone had to :P

Kobe plans to pass the ball at least once on Wednesday.

To be fair, it's not surprising that a guy who's spent his whole career in Detroit is taken aback when he sees a team "playing football."