I don't know about you guys, but I'm excited for Grantland's first column translating Whitlock's The Wire references into Real World-Road Rules Challenge quotes, as well as the heat death of the universe.

Sorry, I don't humor trolls.

Famous Johnson - Gag Orders:

I think what Gio really needs is some performance enhancing hugs.

"There's no way Wayne Washington actually wrote this."

- Bill Simmons

6. ONLY THE GOALIES CAN TOUCH THE BALL WITH THEIR HANDS

Slate also refuses to refer to Jenn Sterger by name because of the two D's in her rack.

This is the most groundbreaking work by a Fatsis since Holley Mangold.

Buddy I think after you get to know me you'll find that the only liberal thing about me is the way I spray my friends, my family, and my home with shit out of my broken asshole.

If you're so worried about a dangerous shithole, why don't you just wear two pairs of pants?

Up late creating Social Security by myself. I am such a lame.

Wow, well isn't this ironic. Now Douglas is like my Uncle Tom, who's an unemployed alcoholic.

This is very good but I would like to correct one inaccuracy. Most agreements of sale and conveyance state that they are for Ten and No/100 Dollars and Other Valuable Consideration but this does not literally mean that the consideration was $10.00. In other words it is a legal boiler plate to reflect that there was…

Wow. Her husband being killed in a "single-car crash" right as this whole thing was going down seems pretty suspicious to me. I would have guessed hot air balloon accident, or maybe a penny-farthing wreck.

Man: [reading] "Hmmm... it says here that poetic justice died. That- that can't be ri-"

Elin Nordegren: [driving by Tiger's house at 5mph]

What a cruel reversal of fortune for Tiger to have to spend 24 grand to stop something from slowly going down on him.

[clicks on link]

Looks like somebody took the straight outta Compton.