Bird: Don't get too close guys. I heard you can die from contact.

Birds, showing why we invented the word "birdbrain," don't have the visual or spatial acuity to tell the difference between "outside" and "a reflection of outside."

A kid asked Luis Suarez the same question last year. Suarez almost bit his head off.

Bowlen: I'm a 14-year-old African American girl named Cheryl. I pedaled here on my banana seat bike.

Yeah, come on Deadspin, stay consistent to your grander metanarrative of blanket hate that goguruorgoroar seems to have conjured for himself, even if that means saying "fuck you" to a man suffering the late-life tragedy of mental deterioration.

Ya know, you can be highly critical of the actions of a group of people with, collectively, a bloated sense of self-worth and entitlement who usually expect the public to help fund their highly profitable business' lavish capital projects without being inhuman and taking joy in their suffering.

Deadspin gets weird at night

He looks like that because the guy in the hat and jersey is talking about how great The Von Bondies are.

In "Seven Nation Army" Jack White sang, "And I'm bleeding, and I'm bleeding, and I'm bleeding right before the Lord." You know who else was bleeding right before the Lord? The 40 people that got shot in Chicago over the weekend.

Wrigley plays Black Keys between innings?

Well, that's 1 big point right there.

This is the most progressive statement to ever come out of West Virginia.

Pardon me if I'm misunderstanding, but watchin football with girls sounds awesome.

Always cut your burger diagonally

Really? So reporters asking about Johnny Manziel's exploits in Vegas are football-related queries? Got it. Thanks.

Just out of curiosity, how is answering the question "what is it like having a gay teammate" more distracting than answering the question "so, how do you think [rookie x] is going to fit into the receiving corps"?

Don't worry, D'Brick's got this one.

"Want bigotry? Just water it!"

So you've got Skip Bayless trying to justify the outrage by COMPARING GAY PEOPLE TO DOGS and Steven A. Smith justifying Dungy's comments by AGREEING GAY PEOPLE ARE DISTRACTING.