This isn't awkward. Peak Awkward will be reached with the first mention of "gettin' Wiggy with it."

This pet fucking schtick you got going? It's working. Keep at it.

He's not a guy that built the railroads, man.

Say what you want about the tenets of Unwritten Rules, Bob, at least it's an ethos.

You make one hell of a Caucasian, Sammy.

Joey, we're not in 'Nam. This is baseball. There are rules.

Sucks that Han's record for making the Kessel Run in under twelve parsecs will always be tainted for doing it during the steroid era.

Neither ever go out of style.

Huffing your own dirty socks. I know I'm not the only one but I think it may be a thing only men do.

Lacrosse bros can afford more weed than any other college athlete.

If it wasn't labeled I would assume it was swept off the floor of a high school wood shop class.

This will all make sense next season when they roll out an improved wife helmet.

You're citing a year old article that asked him to comment on events that made NATIONAL HEADLINES in 1998. Do you really not understand what recent means?

"Stories like yours are far too common. The N.O. Saints had some recent revelations about hazing rookies that are similar"

So by "recent revelation" you meant "thing I just pulled out my ass".

I must have missed the news when the Saints signed Incognito. Is this the recent revelation you speak of? I'd like to hear more about that.

You seem to be the only one privy to these "recent revelations". Do you know a guy who's cousin's neighbor is equipment manager for the Saints? Don't sit on it! Send it to tips@deadspin.com!

That was news like 15 years ago when Ditka was coach. The worst they do now is tie rookies to the goal post with plastic wrap.

WHY

This isn't any weirder than Greg Schiano's method of infecting players to weed out the candy-asses.