This is supposed to be cute, but in fact it's my worst nightmare, because there's nothing worse than being trapped in an enclosed space and subjected to talent.

No.

We gave out halloween-esque finger monsters at our wedding. They were inexpensive and people had fun playing with them. Plus, they made great photo booth fodder.

These are my favorite kinds of customer stories, because not even the kindest soul could think that the customers are right in these situations.

"She was meaner and more disrespectful than the guy who robbed the place with a machete two weeks later."

I thought I was dealing with Pink Ladies up in this piece. Turns out you guys are nothing but a bunch of Patty Simcoxes.

Reminds me of my sweet horse, who died at a very old age when I was in college. With me, he'd occasionally (though rarely) pull a trick or two, if he was "feeling his oats." But put a child around him, or on his back, and you could pretty much set bombs off around him and he would just put one foot in front of the…

Do this many people actually like Blue Moon? I think everyone needs to taste more beers.

I think it's supposed to be two palm trees, but who wants to get close enough to find out?

the guy in that picture looks like he got a little too excited about this automated cupcake place and had a happy pants accident.

yes, let's bring back the Automat! Make New York affordable and fun again! (and even historic)!

I foresee this in my future.

So wait, he wants STATE-FUNDED PREGNANCY TESTS AT BARS but opposes government-funded birth control?!

Haha, I did too. I just kept turning my head away from him and toward my husband and did this:

Starcrunch at #2 is a statement I can get behind but Nutty bars at #17 is me giving you the *side-eye* of thinking olives are bad. In other words, NOPE.

"They sound the same when they're live!"

Who, when it comes to money and fame, is more aspirational than Kim and Kanye?

Team Champagne . #dealwithit

The last thing my cat does every night before going to sleep is lick the right side of my neck. I thought it was affection/exfoliation, but now I know it is tenderizing/marinating.

I was always taught to say good things about the dead.